My reason for prefacing with that, is because it's not an absolute rule in the household. At least, not for me. There have been a few times when Nico has asked, "Mama's bed?" One of which was last night, one time when he was sick and I'm throwing in the third time just to not exaggerate that it really never happens.
I was totally okay with this. Except he wanted me there with him. So I gave in and laid next to him. Next thing you know, I have this cute, little, snuggle bunny right next to me. That's when the Mommy Moment hit me. Of course, once those hit you, then your flooded with an abundance of other thought and emotions.
This is what I realized in that moment:
-I am so in love with him. But it hasn't always been like this. In the beginning, I was not instantly bonded with this child, who is my son. I still felt a basic need to take care of him. But we struggled. We got over it. Then we struggled some more. I don't know if I have just learned patience, or if I really was disconnected to him. No matter what, I know how I feel now. And I would never change what I went through to get here.
-As much as kids need their routine and a schedule, when he wants to break it for precious moments like that. I will gladly, happily and without much resistance give in to him. The way I look at it, there will be a day when he will shut me out. It's bound to happen. I don't want to look back and wish that I had sat on the porch with him when he asked, or played with his cars on the little train set or not let him cuddle with me when he wanted to. I just don't see how letting those moments happen out of routine are going to make him a behavioral mess when he's older.
-When I completely let go of all the stressful thoughts that consume most of my brain space, and put RH of ATL on pause, and just enjoy time itself with him, I can really get a sense that nothing is more important in my life than being loved and loving my family. Plus, I can just breathe in that sweet baby bath smell and be sooo happy that he got a bath!
I'm sure I may have blogged this before. Who knows...I'm too lazy to go back and re-read anything of mine. And I know that I've been throwing in more posts about my Kid more then usual, but that's what you get when he's the only man in my life right now!
And just to offset the sincerity and seriousness that I have displayed, here is a great little "wrong" moment: I let that same adorable child eat 4 mini-donettes in said bed this morning. Because I went to bed after 12:30am and he woke up before 6am. And I was so, very tired. Now I will have to sleep with crumbs. Lots of crumbs. Because I will probably forget to change the sheets. Aw hell, who am I kidding...the sheets won't get changed because by the time I make it to the bedroom, I just want to go to sleep!
Now, why don't you tell me about about your "rights" or "wrongs".
24 comments:
I love when we get to that point where we can enjoy them. They are no longer like those little yip yip dogs under our feet. I know my list of wrongs is REALLLLY long, but the ones I know I did right is he has manners (and so sweet about it), he tells me he loves me (even in front of his school buddies), he loves his brother and sister (the twin demo team from hell), and he sleeps in his own bed until about 6am where he dragon breath breathes into our faces to wake us up. Yum!
What a great post!! I definitely got misty with feeling the same way.
Karie
I think this what parenting is all about. Finding out that being hardcore ALL the time is not good for anyone. I've always been fairly go with the flow other than what he eats. I'm strict about his diet and eating healthy foods.... but saying that.... i know children need balance and enjoy a good juicy burger and fries on occassion too.
As for co sleeping, we did this in the early days. I LOVED having my tiny baby in bed snuggled up to me (and honestly, he could nurse and I could sleep. HE HE!). Now, he doesn't want to sleep in the bed with us and sleeps better in his own bed. BUT if he were to ask, I would so be willing for the once in a while sleeping in bed with mommy and daddy.
Discipline is what we're struggling with now. What is the most effective way to do so?! So hard!! We started off popping his hand for "serious" things....and then he started hitting. Now we're trying time-out. It's going...not sure how good. :(
I'm pretty sure what we've done wrong will become more apparent as they get older. I don't think that I do enough fun creative stuff with my girls, simply because my brain isn't fully functional most of the time to come up with that stuff or have the energy to do it even if I think of it. I'm hoping that will pass as time goes on and that I'll be able to focus more on making their childhood magical.
I think their routine is something we've done right. We ALL get our sleep, and I think that's healthy.
Ahh, just vaccum the crumbs.
Mommy Wrongs: Not playing with Trevor when he wants to play....it's a control thing for him and it always ends bad. Would rather not play with a control freak.
Not taking time to really console Luke when he is upset. He gets irrational and I get irritated. I need to step back and realize he isn't doing it to irritate me.....but he has been one to go on and on and on and on, etc.
Letting Adam get away with more than the other boys.
Mommy rights: bonding with Adam right away, we have a good relationship.
Luke must love me, even at 8 he will still kiss me in front of all his friends. I think I have always shown him love despite the fits of crying.
Harder to peg Trevor. He will just surprise me with a blown kiss from the palm of his hand or give me a hug out of the blue.....this one doesn't like to show much affection towards me unless it's to tell me how mean I am or how much he hates me.
Still working on manners, but I am told frequently how great they are when we are in public or visiting with people.
I could go on, but I will spare you!
ooooh, this is what my Vlog is going to be about Thursday :) And if the worst you do is let him eat donnettes in bed...you're A-ok :)
I let my kids make many of their own choices from a young age and that has been a really good thing.
Now I'm just sad cause their half grown (17 & 14) and I will never get to snuggle with them like you did again.
My wrongs??? Where do I begin. I would have to say one major mistake I made is allowing my daughter to sleep in the same room with me. Although it started because she had bad seizures it has made a really bad 8 year old habit that I am having a super hard time breaking her of it.
What a sweet post!!!
Our bed is literally like John and Yoko. Crumbs and chocolate smears (yes literally chocolate...get your mind out of the gutter) there is a party in my bed all day! Naps, tv time, freaking snacks, delayed bedtimes, what the hell we co sleep with and army at time. It is a nightmare, but a delicous mess that someday I won't regret being snuggled up with my babies for all that time:)
he doesn't want to sleep in the bed with us and sleeps better in his own bed. BUT if he were to ask, I would so be willing for the once in a while sleeping in bed with mommy and daddy.
Make website india
HAHA! How cute!! I love those moments. Sadly it means that my house doesn't get the love and attention that it needs, but oh well. A little dust never killed anybody, right? right??? *gulp*
You are absolutely right that breaking a good, solid routine will NOT harm him in the long run. You can't get back the "not right now" you say to them when they request your time. So we should always remember that "not right now" will equate to "no no no no no no no no" in their eyes and hearts. :) Saying yes once in awhile is good for their smiles, and good for our love. Enjoy!
WRONG? I'm perfect, don't you know...? I do everything right. #snort
The love I have for my children is stronger than any love I have ever known!
My kids are hilarous and keep me on my toes, they are forces to be reckoned with and I do the reckoning!!
Smooches,
Sassy Chica
visiting from SITS and decided to become a follower! love the blog! hope you get a sec to check me out too!
http://www.speakingfromthecrib.com
What a precious mommy moment! I agree with Suzi when she said to vacuum the crumbs. :)
Visiting from SITS, and I enjoyed your blog!
Oh that made me want to go in and snuggle with Noah, but that would mean waking him and that would be bad. He co-sleeps part time with us... I have gotten into the habit of taking him into our bed when he wakes up at 4:30... there are times when I think we should stop doing that, but then I think to myself that it won't last forever and just enjoy it.
Just stopping from SITS and wanted to say 'hi'!
My 'wrong' moments are no doubt too many to list ... but a big one is the fact that I use 'grown up words' (as I euphemistically call them) a lot. Like all the damn time. Shit, there I go again. *sigh* I really think it's incurable at this point ...
My babies are 36 and 37! If your list of rights is longer than your list of wrongs, they'll turn out fine. I know I wasn't always a perfect mom, but I'm so proud of how my guys turned out, and they are being perfect dads! It does my heart good!
just stopping by from SITS to say hi; hope you'll find time to do the same.
I have had the same issues as you, primarily with my oldest. I still feel that way sometimes - you know, that we just don't click....but then there are those moments and all that make you realize...wow, I am lucky to be this child's mother and to cherish those moments when you are able to just spend that one on one time together. Now I can't wait to get home to her...thanks for the insight!!! And as far as wrongs and rights....too many to list and too detailed to even try but just know, you're not at it alone!
You and Nico are surviving eachother and isn't that all that really matter. It ain't all fun, we all know that :)
Hope you are doing great.
And I do everything 'wrong', thank you very much.
How sweet. I often find myself feeling the same way when I slow down and enjoy the moment. I've vowed to do that more often, because they grow up so fast.
Great attitude Janah, really sweetie, children grow up fast enough to not enjoy all these beautiful moments. Everything within reason and with a balance. Parenting is all you make it, and there is definitely no wrong or right. Just keep hugging them tight and giving them good night kisses every night, I still do to my 15 year old, my 13 year old and of course my adorable 10 years old.
I don't see anything wrong with sleeping with you or eating in the bed or making crumbs or a little boy loving his mama or a mama in love with her child :o) Of course, that answer is coming from a mama who let her daughter sleep with her until she was five and I lover her soooooo much I can't even express the amount...and it just keeps on growing.
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