But I am thankful for this blog and those who don't mind helping me out. So today Susie, from Black Holes & Macrame has offered to help me out.
I love this post! And you must go read her other stuff. She is a great writer. I'm always so honored when people who write well read what I write. So please make her feel welcome!
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What is it with men and flatulence? We all eat things that make us gassy, I know this, but is it just me or do men pass gas audibly more frequently than women do? And I'm not talking about a discreet little 'pffft' here or barely noticeable 'poot' there, I'm talking sounds akin to a trombone being stomped on by a mad bull elephant. I have accused Darling Husband of intentionally creating bun-flapping farts by pushing the gas out with far more pressure than what is called for. He denies this categorically, but I'm not buying it. He thinks I want him to suffer and not try to get rid of the gas, but that's not what I want at all. What I really want is a man who farts like Ken. You remember Ken, right? The anatomically incorrect on-again, off-again, is-he-or-isn't-he-gay boyfriend of Barbie? Yeah, that guy. He also doesn't eat onion rings. Unlike Darling Husband. I swear to God, I ought to write the Department of Defense and offer them Darling Husband as a secret weapon. All they have to do is feed him an endless supply of onion rings (especially Burger King onion rings) because within a few short hours, that man can produce and expel enough noxious gas to make anyone surrender. Brilliant, no?
But alas, Darling Husband is no Ken doll. Not even close. Which is both bad and good. Bad because he farts. But good because he is most definitely anatomically correct. More than correct (you're welcome, Sweetheart!).
For years now, whenever Darling Husband has felt the need to pass gas, and the resulting thunderous roar from his tailpipe was heard by the students at the local school for the deaf, he has often looked around, spotted our fat feline nearby and declared in an accusing tone, "Cosmo!" (Yes, passing the blame for loud farts is a beloved pastime in our household ... I've been known to blame the cat a time or two, as well.)
It seems Darling Daughter is now getting in on the action. She 'gassed' (as she called it when she was much littler) the other night. And without missing a beat, she said accusingly, "Daddy!"
Yeah, I got a real gas out of that. *snicker*
11 comments:
Janah, I can feel for you and the tiredness associating with moving, I've done it 6 times in the last 10 years. Though half of them was essentially moving down the street, the other half were major moves (think FL to AZ to AK to TX and you get the picture.) Much SitS love to ya and have a cuppa and relax as soon as you gat a chance to... Oh and turn off the ringer silly!
Susie, passing blame is a pasttime here too! Though the I've seen it passed to the dog while he had himself outside, and sad to also say Little has gotten in on it here too, and like your Darling often passes the blame to daddy too.
This was definitely well written, So Not. :) Agreed. And as for the gas, Susie....I have determined that, in my house at least, it's a genetic thing.
With a Hubs and 3 boys, 11, 5, and 1.5....they ALL fart like their dad. Seriously. I've never heard a man fart like Hubs, and to presume his cheeks are wobbling in his shorts from it too...it's just gross. Ever since the 5 and 1.5 year olds were babies, they've always experienced cheek-wobbling toots too. Bizarre little trick they can do. I'm definitely a pffft or poot kinda gal myself, so the blame is solely on Hubs.
Good guest post. Good gas.
It must be said that anyone who knows cats knows that their farts are of the silent variety, always.
And anyone who knows onion rings knows that BK rings actually TASTE like farts, so why're you surprised?
Take the man to Hardees.
Hilarious. If I ever get 'too mature' to love me some toilet humor, I hope someone would be so kind as to just put me out of my misery.
I believe that when men are boys their daddy's pull them aside and encourage them to tap into their inner 'thunder-wear' with no inhibition. Excy doesn't poot during the day (oddly) but when he's asleep at night he'll let 'er rip -- and I know he's asleep! I feel sorry for Lenny the cat sleeping under the covers, because it must scorch his little nose.....
Janah...how I've missed you...this much (as Rambler stretches her arms as wide apart as possible).
Great guest post. My daughter "tooted" the other morning that it woke her up from her sleep.
Snicker.
Funny they never let this little tidbit outta the bag when dating. ]
Stopping by from SITS to wish you a great day!
oh my... lol too funny, and we should not even discuss my household so happy Thursday! lol
I remember when I moved from my old house I think it was the most immaculate the house had ever been. I was 5 months preggers and in the kitchen sink cleaning the windows... talk about nesting! lol ...
And I thought those bastards! They are just gonna come in here and be all "eeewww someone elses house" and clean it all over again.
Great Guest post!
When do I get to guest post?
LOL--We're pretty famous for blaming our flatulence on the ones we love around our house too. :) Awesome guest post...and Notsomomlicious--happy moving!
Hey you! I hope you survived the move and the stress that goes along with it. I am so not looking forward to the day we have to move again! Loved the guest post!
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