Love doesn't build houses and apparently neither does money

Yes, I know it seems odd that this whole moving thing is taking forever. Well, have you tried to get a mortgage loan lately? It is absolutely insane!!!

It's at the point where, they are asking for letters from our family members to verify who lives where and for how long. They want to know why my driver's license and paycheck stubs show the house address in California and not another address. I had to write a letter today explaining why I knocked 50 bucks off the rent for my renters (because they had to pick up my dog's poop and mow the lawn themselves!). We were supposed to close escrow September 28th. Then, it was supposed to be October 5th. Then the 9th. And now, it's supposed to be tomorrow...October 14th.

This is a mess. The moving truck is here with no where to go. I was supposed to have the moving blankets back to U-haul last Saturday - apparently giving myself 22 days to rent them, finish escrow and move in was not sufficient. The underwriter seems to think that we are lying about having a brokerage account because every other day we have to print them a statement to verify where our funds are coming from. We even had to go back to March and April and explain why we transferred money from savings to checking. Our own money! THEN, Vito had to ask his work for pay stubs from March thru May so they could verify the deposits against our statements (his company doesn't have direct deposit...in 2009.) They didn't believe they were all his checks because every so often the amount deposited would be 100 dollars less. So it's apparently borderline criminal to have 100 dollars cash in your wallet. Especially if you think that 7 months from now you may want to apply for a home loan. No, I am not joking. We started this whole process March 13th.

I was supposed to start working again today, but my report never came. We thought a week off would be enough to get settled. It seems as if every day around here is April Fool's Day...because the joke is on us. I swear to you that it seems like we are trying to close on a house that costs $2 million dollars!!!

The worst part of all of this? I can't go to SITScation now. Nice huh? I've had this planned for how many months? Bought my ticket, got my room, gave up on Botox. And now, if the loan closes this week, I will be moving over the weekend. Which is also my anniversary. You've got to be fucking kidding me.

If we ever meet and your job is as an Underwriter for a lender, I would highly suggest not telling me. If you are a loan officer or even a file clerk for a lender, I probably wouldn't even mention that.

Plus, I'm having to bounce in between all the in-laws houses. Nico has no schedule what-so-ever, in regards to anything. All he does is whine morning, noon and night. My husband is just permanently pissed about all of this and I think that I am a living zombie because there is no sleeping around here anywhere!

Ahhhh, I'm so excited to have moved. So, that's why there has been little to none of me. There is nothing funny, silly, happy or exciting to talk or write about. I'm just a huge ball of pissed off-ness. And it sucks.

Please feel free to send my sympathy cards and condolence gifts to my new address at:

The Black SUV
CA license plates
The Streets of Austin, TX


Please, no fresh fruit baskets though. My center console only has enough room for half a tray of ice and a 6 pack.