So Not Mom-a-licious

A friendly PSA about Me.

2010-09-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

The other day, I went out into public. Yep, I took a break from work and decided to run errands.

Got myself and the Kid all dressed and ready to have a meet and greet with society after a couple of weeks of sequestered to the house.

But here's what was really going on behind all the "glitz and glamour" (ok, it might be more like "cute and comfortable" - emphasis on comfortable. But dressed none the less!).....

- The cute sunglasses were there to hide the horrible bags under my eyes. If I were catching a flight that day, I guarantee they wouldn't have let me check all that luggage!

- My naturally-colored, blonde hair was pulled back into a deliberate, messy, half ponytail. Only the natural blonde color was with the help of baby powder to the scalp because I haven't washed my hair in 3 days. The half ponytail...also because I haven't washed my hair in 3 days.

- The stylish, summer peep-toe espadrilles that make me feel like I could walk a runway were merely out of necessity. Considering that only the first 2 toes of each foot were painted with trendy polish, there was no point in wearing flops. Also, they give the illusion that my legs might be longer than the stumps they really are. Therefore, making the 4 pounds I have gained appear to have been dispersed evenly over my body...not just to my gut.

- The perfectly placed clothing was picked with extreme thought to detail. The detail being all the hair that needs to be shaved off. Now that we haven't taken the boat out for a couple of weeks, well you can tell the second I put on a skirt or tank top. My body is not a wonderland...it's a calendar marking how cruel time is to me.

- The latest fad of nail polish color was chosen for being fashionable, but mostly because I was too lazy to take off the last color of polish I used. And since my fingernails looked like I use Brillo pads when I wash my hands, it was time to do something.

So there you have it. At a quick glance, you may look at me and think that I'm put together, when the truth is I more "glued" together...maybe a hodge -podge of sorts. But for me....that's real life!

What tricks do you do so you can bare going public?

My weekly Fail Confession

2010-08-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

Last week, I put up this post about the fact that my Kid has taken over my bathtub and it annoys me.

Well that got me thinking a few days later, as I stared at the same hot mess of a tub turned mini-racetrack and foam letters/numbers party....that I have a confession.

A Mommy Fail Confession.

See the shower is located right next to that great tub I never get to use anymore. And there have been numerous times that I will be standing in that shower, watching that kid bathe, in that tub.

And when I'm done. He too, is done.

Which leads me to my confession of the week....

Only one of us has been scrubbed with soap and shampoo. (And conditioner of course.) And yet, I don't always feel guilty.

What's your confession of the week?

Gone are my Calgon days

2010-07-28T12:03:00.000-07:00

This morning I was watching Hoda and KLG on the Today show and they had this little segment where they were asking people to send pictures via Facebook about things that annoyed them.
It didn't really hit me until my little Nino Dindo asked to take a bath.

Here is my thing that annoys me......

I swore that when I begged for the jacuzzi tub it would be mine and only mine. My little corner of the bathroom that I was going to make my own personal little spa. Obviously, not so much anymore. It's not easy to relax with Hot Wheels up your ass.

Conversations with a 3 year old

2010-07-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

Me: What's Daddy doing?
Nico: Um, he's, he's...changing his mind. (mind = clothes)
M:Oh really?
N: He's putting on a towel.
M:He is?
N: And he's rubbing his cooley. (An Italian slang word for butt)
M: (laughs)
N: Mom, don't make funny.
M: (laughs harder)
N: MOM don't make funny. This is serious!

Nico walks in to let me know it's time to get up...
N: Mo-om, it's time to get up. Come on it's 10 o'clock.
M: Ugh, now you sound like your Dad.
N: No! You sound like your Mom!
M: Like I haven't heard that before.
N: Mom, you look like you're eighty years old.
M: **sigh**

That's all I have for now because I'm too lazy to remember any of the other ones. But you know what it's like having little ones that are starting to be able to have full conversations. They definitely don't hold back.

I haven't been around for a long while. We had a very rough start to this year. Things went from bad to worse the minute I moved to this state. The house crap. Then, my teenage cousin moved in with us, which I wasn't expecting. But the worst of them being that my dear Father-in-law passed away May 1st after fighting a sickness for a few months. The months leading up to it were preceded with the loss of his mother, my husband's Grandmother, and our world spiraled down from there.

So there wasn't much I felt like writing or talking about. And I still feel like that some days. I just wonder why these past almost 2 years have had to be so difficult and trying. I'm still looking for that silver lining...I know it's out there, I think I just need to get out and go look for it!

This could be my comeback!

2010-05-26T09:49:00.000-07:00

Well it's been awhile. And there is so much I could write about, but I'm going to wait to see if this helps kick start my desire to start blogging again.

Without further ado, I am writing this post in order to pimp out my son. Of course, me along with thousands of other parents.

Parents magazine is having their 2010 cover photo contest. The main contest is selected by judges, but they have a weekly contest where readers get to choose a finalist for the week. 11 are picked and then from there, the readers pick 1 who will get a chance with the semi-finalists that are picked by the judges.

I figured it couldn't hurt. So, if you think that this kid even kind of cute (or downright adorable!)

Or maybe you think he looks like a sweetheart

Or you just want to lend a couple seconds and some keystrokes

(with his cousins)

Then just click on this link http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/302587. AND, you can vote everyday for the next 5 days. Go ahead, join Team Nico!

It's like throwing out straws and hoping someone will grab!

2010-03-26T06:49:00.000-07:00

So, what I need to know is what do you use more of? Shampoo or conditioner? And why do you use more of one than the other?

I have a theory about this.

Personally...I use more shampoo and it's because I have issues.

P.S. So I may have been gone for a minute, but it doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humor.

At any point, any of these posts could be my last.

2010-03-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

What a couple of weeks I tell ya! The title to this post could very well be true.

Lots of stressful family situations. That's always concern number one.

Then there are the other aggravating things that seem to happen daily. Or at least every other daily. Just enough to where you catch yourself saying "Why can't I get a break?!" Then you realize that the "break" you were hoping for was that day or two in between mishaps.

My car has had to go into the shop twice for burnt up spark plug coils or some mechanical shit like that. That was a fricking delicious chunk of change. And by chunk I mean about the size of the local waste water treatment facility.

The Hubs-a-licious' truck needs 4 new tires. Like yesterday. Four...as in for every single wheel thingy that they stick on. Why not make it 5 and let the full size spare feel like part of the fun? Go big or go home right? And I suppose we won't bring up the fact that my back 2 tires (you know the ones that actually do all the work on my car for the most part, which equals SIX tires altogether!) are about as bald as my whoo-whoo. Okay....that was a complete exaggeration. Because if that were true then I would have tread that would absorb the Atlantic at this point. TMI? How do you think I feel?!

My family is not used to all of this heating the house stuff every day and night. The skin on my face at this moment feels like it needs to be soaked in a mayonnaise bath. Poor little Nico's lips are shriveled into tiny little pucker lines.

I really thought I was down for this whole different season and weather thing. But this rain has quickly made me long for home. Cabin fever is such an understatement. I have 10 lights in my bathroom...the other day I tried to lay under them with sunglasses on, chanting "there's no place like home..." I. need. sun. BTW..it snowed last week. I thought that word was Latin, for disaster.

(With all due respect to anyone who doesn't swear...but who the fuck thought this was okay to do? Those footprints...that's my freezing ass in flip flops. I almost didn't recover. Thank gawd for Schnapps and hot chocolate because I thought this was the Apocalypse.)

~~Last night~~ The other week (that's how long it's been since I started this post), my back filling broke off. Awesome. I was really hoping to keep all repairs needed focused on the cars. But alas, it appears that my warranty has also expired. Now to pick a dentist in a city where I have not one clue about where to start.

My most comfortable pair of pants now has a hole in the crotch. Now what ever will I wear for 3 days straight? But just when I thought it wasn't possible to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I stumbled across this blog and I felt some hope. I really tried to just post the video...but I'm blog-tarded at this point from so many weeks of being absent. But I swear to all of you... I couldn't be more worth the effort to check it out.

That's just a mild summary of what's going on. It's possible, that if I think anyone is still left here on my planet, I may return. OH!!!! Andddddddddddd....I've been wanting to tell you...don't forget that April Fool's Day is just around the corner. That is all. I'm. saying.

P.S. Nothing but my love for my girl, Complicated Mama, who made an attempt to slyly, and politely, ask me wtf is up with my absence!

The past repeats itself in a very bad way.

2010-02-01T12:23:00.000-08:00

I'm just mortified at what I saw the other morning on the Today show.

Shoulder pads.

They're making a comeback. Only they referred to them as "Bold" shoulders. A throw back to the 1980's working women.

I have never like the 80's. Not the music, not the clothes. I wish it was a decade that would just bury itself in a time capsule already and wait to be re-lived until after I am long gone.

I don't have a lot to say about this because I think the thought and idea of them coming back speaks for itself. I just have so many horrible flashbacks of the things I wore. Yes, even being a very young girl (at least in my mind it was young), I wore shoulder pads.

I can't get the picture of my "Miami Vice"-style suit that I had to have. I was 10. And I wanted to wear a suit. With loafers. And should pads.

To top it off, I had the shortest hair ever and I feathered it on the sides. I also wore braces.

If I had a picture, I would for sure post it. Maybe I can see if my mom can dig some up. Unless, none were taken in order to conceal the humility to all of us.

It was just so horrific. And why couldn't my mom tell me how awkward I looked?!

Oh that's right...she was too busy double stuffing her own pads and hair! Now I'm going to have to search local therapists because this can not turn out well for me.

Twilight Update: (thankyouverymuch) Now, I am dying to read Twilight. But, did any of you know that the author started another novel that was written from Edward's perspective? It was apparently posted online illegally, but she posted the draft herself on her website. I read what was on there and now I want to know how his story ends. No word on if she'll ever finish that one. I'm guessing that it is way more in depth about his feelings than Twilight is. Anybody got a copy they are done with?

It's time for my randoms because I don't have a real post

2010-01-26T15:12:00.000-08:00

Four windows. I just want shades on these four windows in Nico's room. The do-it-yourself kind from Home Depot, that look all professional because they have a valance that hides any imperfections you may have made drilling into the window sill. Also known as an "Oh shit!" safety net for the husband because I'm pretty sure there was more than one attempt to hang these things. Anyway, for some reason, these windows are narrow. And not one store I have been to carries anything that will fit. Next step? Custom order, which I really didn't put on the budget, doesn't satisfy my "I want it right now" attitude and pretty much pisses me off. Mostly, because I want them right now.

I can't possibly be the only one who uses the car's air conditioning to cool down french fries. Or, of course weather permitting, sticks the fries out the window. Yes? No?

I think my dog has canine H1N1 because he farts and it smells like he's on his death bed. And the horrible part of it is that he sits right by me all day long.

The Kid is going through that phase where even though a few months ago you said you were ready to start trying for Number 2 you want to eat your words on a pile of steaming shit, while ripping out your hair and sticking large, sewing needles under your nails because THAT might actually be a pleasant day compared to the past few weeks and you are just waiting for your child to throw up the demon that must have overtaken his little body because there is no way possible that is really your son anymore so there will be no more children ever procreated in this house and I will use the extra bedrooms as my own personal ~~insane asylum~~ craft room kind of phase. Anyone familiar with that? Stressed much? *deep breath*

I'm really over people here making fun of me when I add the word "The" in front of highways. I don't care of you call it 290. To me and all of my west coast peeps...it's The 290. You deal with that, and I will deal with you pronouncing just about all Mexican named cities, roads and schools the wrong way. Last time I checked, Pedernales should be pronounced with the D first, then the R. Otherwise, they would have spelled it Perdenales. And since when did the double L's stop being pronounced as Y.

Well I really got fed up with the lip the drive-thru chick was giving me at Mikey D's today. Straight rude. I don't think I finished one sentence while trying to order. The final straw was when I pulled up to pay and she effing glared at me, then threw my card back and said, "Here." Are you kidding me bitch?! Look, we all have bad days, and sometimes those bad days might be because we don't like our jobs. However, do not take your shit out on me because I will either ~~punch you in the throat~~ take all my stressed out mommy rage feelings out on you by giving you the biggest verbal reality check since the Gettysburg Address or I will pull forward and ask to speak to the manager and tell them you shouldn't be working the front line. Probably the latter of the two...but you never know what you're gonna get with me so watch out.

Cinnamon toast. Yum. Not the kind that has the cinnamon swirled and baked in . The old fashion kind. Like Mom used to make. Part sugar, part cinnamon, mix in one of your Tupperware bowls. The thing that makes this way the best way is you can put on as much as you want. Mmmm...

Everytime things dry up around here from the last rain, it gets ready to rain again. It's driving me insane. We still have a dirt back yard and I'm sick of wiping that damn dogs feet!

I watched....Twilight. I don't even know how I feel about saying that. And I'm not sure I should even talk about it. So I watched it 3 more times to try and determine if I could figure out my feelings on it.

Consumerisum shouldn't apply to ages under double digits

2010-01-20T15:25:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I'm only good for a once a week posting anymore. It's only part my fault though. I am clocking in some serious hours for the past few weeks. Since before New Year's. Which is nice because I apparently have a semi-truck load of things I need to buy to furnish this house that couldn't be emptier if I was deliberately trying.

But in between all of my working and child-rearing, I was able to find time to venture out into society. Not much has changed I see.

Today, was just a quick trip to the market (which I seriously love saying more than "the store", even though it really is the store. Makes me feel all fancy and house-wifey.) The list was short as well as the Kid's patience. But thankfully, as soon as we entered the store, he saw the marvelous displays of balloons.

Tempting as it was to give him the life size Cookie Monster one to hang on to, I didn't feel like paying the hefty, Mylar price-tag. That's when it hit me. I'd just take the free. lame ones they use to decorate stands and signs throughout the store.

If any of you are familiar with the Safeway grocery chain, then you may frequent a Vons, Dominick's, Tom Thumb or Randall's yourself. Since Safeway is all about promoting how they have lowered everyday prices, they have these yellow balloons plastered around the store. Like an advertisement. The balloon is yellow and says "Thousands of new, everyday lower prices". But when you are two and a half...a balloon is a balloon. And they all smack Mom in the face the same way!

So I picked out one with a clip, so we wouldn't lose it and he couldn't have been happier. Instantly forgot about the awesome looking Cookie Monster balloon and the stupid Snoopy ride right at the entrance. No melt-downs, one hour and a grocery cart full later and it was time to check out.

Everything is all rang up and the conversation goes like this:

Checker: "And the balloon too?"
Me: "I'm sorry?" ( I really didn't hear her.)
Checker: "Are you taking the balloon?"
Me: "Well not if you want it back...."
Checker: "Okay. So you're buying the balloon?"
Me: "You want me to buy an advertising balloon?! No thanks."

The Kid: (as the checker says "okay, no balloon" and turns around to place it with REAL balloons - like Dora, Elmo, flowers, smiley faces, Happy Birthday!, Congrats!, and old Santa's on a stick from Christmas) "Nooooooo, my balloonnnnn!"
Me: "Sorry baby, Mommy isn't going to pay to advertise for this place."
Bagger: "You can take him to floral and they will give him a free balloon."

To which I kindly said no, but more because I was a little stunned. So I have to buy the balloon with all the advertising on it, but I can go to floral to get a free colored one. Yeah, one was Mylar (with their new slogan on it) and one was latex (which is still fun to a 2 year old). Safeway also will give you child a free cookie from the bakery. I'm thinking that the cookie and balloon is a better deal for free.

Who in their right mind, and not 2 year old right mind, would pay for a Safeway Ad balloon? Are you going to buy a dozen of them and go decorate your kitchen with them? Place them on the chips and dip that were at a lower price for the week. Then, maybe host a happy hour party displaying all of your weekly sale items?

There was a point where I said who would pay for a balloon that is a walking advertisement for a store. The bagger said something about kids wanting them. Which was a stupid statement to make. If my kid wants a balloon, and I indulge him and I ave to pay for it.... it's not going to be for that balloon. Think it pisses me off a little bit?

I guess I am looking at it as doing each other a favor. My kid gets a balloon and your store gets promotion outside of it's four walls. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. You help me by keeping my kid happy and not screaming, I'll spend more time and money shopping in the store.

No more balloon buying from that store. Next time, I'm just taking a deflated, latex balloon and a piece of string with me. When he wants a balloon, I'll blow it up. Chances are mine will be just as good as the Cookie Monster. And if not, at least I will have proven my point. Even if only to myself.

If there is ever a wrong side, I'm always on it.

2010-01-12T09:47:00.000-08:00

Welcome back and Happy New Year!

Last year I wrote a post about going to look at holiday lights. And I can't even describe how truly excited I was to have had the time to get ready, find something cute to wear and just put myself all together and get to hang out with friends while looking decent.

And I was in such a good mood and feeling halfway confident that I asked my husband to take a picture of me and the Kid. As some of you other mothers may know, actually being in a picture is not a common occurrence. Well, sadly, it ended up not turning out and it was a blurry picture of ~~all my hawtness~~ me and the Kid.

Fast forward to this Christmas Eve....

Well we the family is getting ready to go to a dinner with Santa. Daddy looked sharp with his new button-down shirt. The Kid was sporting his new sweater and was in a fantastic mood!

Enter me stage left. I found a new dress that I was totally excited to wear. Bought myself some leggings and pulled out the ol' black knee high boots. Perfected my coif "bump" (no, not Snookie style - which requires another post entirely), manicured my face, added some sizzle to my face paint and the piece de resistance...topped myself off with some accessories. Oh yeah baby. Accessories.

It was bound to be a great night and with my new camera in hand, I was determined to capture my ~~sexy-ass~~ great mood as proof. And with my son looking as charming as ever, how could we not take a picture together!

All that went out the window the second my husband put his camera clueless pointer-finger on that damn click/shoot button.

I welcome you to the "Second Annual Fuzzy Mummy Holiday Picture Post."

It's definitely not as bad as last year's . But not frame-worthy either.

He just kept trying to take one good picture. I finally had to tell him to stop. Please! Just stop! I'm beginning to think that I could be sold at Sotheby's for an extremely high price because pictures of me are as rare as a Picasso. I think next year we should do a link of " Family photos that should have rocked, but got ruined when the camera was touched by man hands".

I had a post, but substituted with this one. Probably a mistake.

2009-12-17T07:22:00.000-08:00

Don't ask me why I thought this would be fun to post about. Okay, fun isn't the right word. But I just happened to click on the drop down box for my word search and thought I would post the things that I had searched for over the past couple of weeks.

Not sure what it says about me to an outside. They kind of made me chuckle because when I look at it, it makes me feel like I'm all over the place. At the same time, I'm the one who knows the story behind all these searches. Feel free to share with me what some of yours have been lately.

lg washer dryer
m.i.t. university
a day with the del gattos
credenza or sideboards
frederick harris estate homes
standard pacific homes
david weekly homes austin
twitter widgets
work zone rug
construction zone rug
boys bulldozer bedding
where do you loot the dirty laundry collection in mafia wars
where do you loot the daily chance collection in mafia wars
victoria's secret fashion show 2009
taco cabana menu
tiger woods car accident
how much milk should a toddler have
sonic menu
meteor and the monster trucks show lyrics
what us the difference between brown and white eggs
pool duet 9400
wc fields
target christams commercials

P.S. any guesses why I was searching some of these things?

I don't do Duplicates in blue vinyl anymore.

2009-12-10T06:36:00.000-08:00

I just received Vito's bank checks in the mail the other day. So many things ran through my mind as I handled these pieces of paper that have become so rare these days.

One time, when I was at the grocery store, there was a lady in front of me and she was writing a check. It wasn't much of an issue to me at first. Until I realized that she hadn't even begun to start writing the check until her complete transaction was over. The cashier had rang up all of her groceries and told her the amount due. So I'm standing there and waiting and waiting and waiting....

For real lady? For fricking real? The very least you could do if you are a check writer is have the damn date, the payee name and your signature already down and ready to go so that when you get your fricking total that it is the last thing you have to do!

Anyway, I was standing there partly in awe and partly in annoyance and well I said it... "Who writes checks anymore?" Yeah, so shoot me. It was mostly a joke but also a serious question because, really - who writes checks anymore? And if you are still writing checks then I'm guessing you know the basic guidelines that accompany that task. Isn't there a check writing rule book that says be considerate of others who are standing behind you impatiently wondering why you don't own a debit card.

After I thought about that story, I stood there and actually assembled the checkbook. I put it in it's little holder and then I put in the balance ledger. Then it hit me that I was doing this for no reason at all. Why? Well, who balances their checkbooks anymore? Like in the old days...you know, 8 years ago or so. Yep, so shoot me again. I don't balance one single bank account.

I would love to say that it's because I'm so filthy, disgustingly rich that I never have to worry about who's using which debit card from which account, but it's ~~part that and~~ because I just "guesstimate". (That first part was just a joke by the way. All of my filthy rich money has been sunk into moving costs, this house, a bazillion utility deposits, restocking an empty kitchen, property taxes, car taxes, blah, blah, blah. You know, all the things that bleed you dry but if you didn't have to pay them then you'd be ahead of the game?)

So my whole guesstimation game is always just playing with numbers. I'll add up recurring bills, tack on a nice little miscellaneous amount, then cross my fingers. I know, genius right? Okay, so I don't have to cross my fingers, I just rub my lucky rabbit's foot. I do guesstimate a few times a week. I have a nice calendar that shows what bills are due when so I can pretty much budget for a month without checking my balances.

And do I even go into paying bills online and getting paper statements? I can pay my hairdresser online. It's so awesome.

All this over getting a new sleeve of checks in the mail this week. And do you know how long these 100 checks will last us? Well, debit cards will probably be extinct before I finish using them all. But I am really curious if anyone still writes checks anymore...

This isn't my best Holiday presentation, but Merry SITSmas!

2009-12-08T07:48:00.000-08:00

Welcome Friends and SITSta's! It is such a pleasure to have you stop by today. As always, I am running a little late. I knew this post needed to get up and of course something always comes up and well....I'm always seem to be behind.

It was this time last year that I joined SITS (aka The Secret is in the Sauce). I had ventured my way to the site before, but since I had just started in blogging, I wasn't sure what is was all about.

It was at the First Annual Merry SITSmas, that I became follower 395. And I must say that I couldn't be happier that I joined this great community.

So I am excited to hop around today and say hello to old and new blogs. I am looking forward to maintaining the relationships I've made over the past year, and have no doubt that I will form new ones!

From my little corner of this amazing comment spreading, network creating, now very large blogging community, I wish you a wonderful holiday season and a bright new year! And try to remember that you get back what you put out there, so here is to health, happiness, love and respect.

And feel free to stay as long as you like and snoop around, or stop back by when you have the time. I may have stuff to make you laugh, cry, roll your eyes or holler "heck yeah!"

Things I learned about Rain are...well it's wet.

2009-12-02T08:25:00.000-08:00

-I also learned that leather boots are not waterproof, unless the leather is still on the cow. And the stitching does not act like a waterproof seal.

-No matter how high the heel on my boots are, my pants will always be too long, therefore ending up wet for approximately 2 inches above the hemline.

-The teeny, tiny umbrella I brought with me from California...doesn't work so much in "real" rain.

-"Real" rain happens way too often here and it has made me realize that flip-flops year round may not be entirely possible. They only make me look like a silly tourist.

-Also, a sweatshirt in said "real" rain isn't very functional in protecting you and your child from the wetness. But it will help dry the grocery cart that the tiny umbrella didn't keep dry.

-It is possible I may need to invest in rain gear. WTH is rain gear and where am I supposed to get it?! If it's considered seasonal-wear, then I am screwed since clothes for spring are already out. Okay, maybe not spring, but it's like buying for Christmas in July.

-The dog also needs to invest in his own rain gear. Preferably, rain boots. Cleaning mud from in between talon nails is really stating his case for being an outside dog. Although, if it ever stopped raining, we could have the backyard landscaped and mud would be something I put on my face at the spa.

-The one big thing I learned about the rain is...well that I'm just a spoiled Southern California girl who thought she would enjoy the change in seasons. The only good thing to come out of this is that when someone says "OMG, it's not like you're gonna melt!" I can reply in kind "Sugar melts in water!"

I can't believe that it's already the end of November...sort of

2009-11-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm off the Vicodin. Actually, I only took 4 out of 30. I just hope that without my crutch, I can manage to make this a half way decent post.

I don't have a whole lot going on. Just trying to work at home and keep up with Nico. I think in the past month he has grown what feels like 6 months!

I still have not unpacked the remaining boxes. That's just how I roll. I always seem to feel things out for a few months before I finally decide what should really go where. I hate making holes in the wall for no reason. Luckily, it's not much but decor and accessories.

I want this new furniture but I need someone to convince my husband what a steal it is. 13 pieces of furniture folks. 13! I could split this entire room up and use it between 3 rooms in my house. Let me just say this - chaise, couch, chair, ottoman, coffee ottoman, accent chair, 2 lamps, 2 end tables, buffet table, the rug and the rug pad. Awesome!

The other weekend we went for a drive to no where and I ended up asking my husband to pull over so I could show Nico some horses up close and personal. Of course I walked over first for to play safety patrol. There was an electric fence, which wasn't on. But on the adjoining side it was just barbed wire. All 4 horses were happy to see someone. Wish I had had some carrots!

(Yep, they're small because they aren't all that flattering...for the horses.)

Sunday night we found 2 scorpions in the house. At the same time. Well, okay maybe half an hour apart. One was right by the front fricking door, where I had just turned the outside lights on and Nico had just been set down...both of us with no shoes. The other one was hiding in a corner on one of the stairs. Needless to say, I did not sleep well that night.

Thanksgiving is basically here. So from my family to yours, I hope you have a wonderful holiday!

Today I accidentally chewed on aspirin because I thought they were Goldfish crackers.

2009-11-16T05:05:00.000-08:00

So I had my special office procedure done last week. And of course they give me the standard cure-all for pain...the Vicodin. (and yes I added 'the' in front of that. I don't know why but I think it's hilarious to add it to random words. Like - Did you have the sex? Or - She was doing the drugs. I know bizarre topics to throw into this post.)

Anyway....... (um, is it obvious I'm on the Vicodin?)

Well I was on my way to the store and the Husband (see, it works with anything) calls the cell phone (and yet again) and I told him something about having to take a Vicodin earlier that day. Needless to say he lost a grip and it went a little something like this:

The Husband: WHAT?!?! You can't drive when you take the Vicodin!!! You can be pulled over for a DUI!!!!

Me: Uhhhhhh. Are you being serious?

The Husband: YES!!! It's just like drinking and driving!!! (yes the exclamation points are necessary. He was really that worked up.)

Me: You can't really be serious. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only licensed person that has been prescribed medication for the pain. Do you think all of those people just sit at home and wait until the meds run out?

I'm sorry. Are you telling me this because you are going to leave early to come home and pick up the Kid, go to the store, clean the house and make the dinner? Or are you trying to set me up for a Cops show where they search my purse and try to convince me that I really stole the pills from my bed-ridden Grandma? And who fills your head with that crap anyway?!

The Husband: The internet.

Me: Oh for technology's sake. Please hun, this is one of the most ridiculous things you have come up with in awhile.

The Husband: I'm serious though. It's against the law. Well, I guess it's not like you are even taking the prescribed amount so it probably doesn't matter.

Me: Gee thanks for acknowledging that I'm not an overdosed pill popper who loves to run errands with an intolerant 2 year old. I gotta go. I just ran a stop sign because you are distracting me.

(I really did run a stop sign. Fitting isn't it? That would be my second time running that same stop. In my defense, A) it wasn't the Vicodin's fault...he wasn't driving and B) the damn trees are so big and overgrown that I never notice the sign until I am right up on it. And there are no markings on the street. But never fear, I have made a valid attempt to remind myself about that area.)

Of course, the next day I received this "haha-I-told-you-so" email from my husband. But I was able to tell him that we weren't in California anymore.

I thought it was kind of funny that he tried so hard to prove his point. Now if only I could get him to work that hard proving everything else. Like that he can start and finish a project. Or that he can take out the trash. Or even prove his point that he really does know how to watch the Kid for 4 hours consecutively. Those are the points that would really be effective with me.

That's my story. Wasn't it a good one? Well, it was for those of us on the Vicodin. Now where did I put that bottle...

This place is unruley and I'm still not unpacked.

2009-11-11T05:58:00.000-08:00

I don't have anything real fulfilling to talk about still. Things are all over the place at this point. I'm still trying to get things fixed on the house and get used to a schedule that includes working at home and having Nico with me. However, since I can always seem to muster up the energy for some random thoughts...here you go!

There is a preying mantis that is stalking me around the windows of the right side of my house. And it's really starting to creep me out. I will go to any random window and open it up, look out and there that thing is. And his beady little eyes follow my every move. It's just weird.

Then there are the scorpions. I used to think that because I was from Illinois that I could handle the country. Or at least the great outdoors. Well, that is true if the only outdoorsy type of creatures I encounter have fur and big, brown eyes. We have a raccoon that tears into our trash, which is usually in the back of my husband's truck because he throws it in his work dumpster. There is a fox that hangs out on the corner down the street...not real sure what he's trying to push under that street light. And then I had the pleasure of watching Big Bambi and Bambi in the empty lots next door last week. I can handle those guys. Not so much the spider that is the size of Texas that is going all Charlotte's Web on my front porch.

Surprisingly (and I say this under my breath), people in this development have been totally unfriendly. It's a big, family friendly area and I was really excited about finally living in a neighborhood where I could hang out with the parents of other kids. Yeah...not happening anytime soon. I don't get it. My SIL lives in an area where everyone knows each other up one side of the street and down the other. I have gotten one person to say hello to me while I've been here. I was literally 3 feet from a woman and her son weeding their tree, I had Nico and the stroller, Vito was bringing up the rear. She wouldn't even look up from weeding, she just like strained her neck to talk to her son. It was weird. Oh well, real life friends are overrated I guess.

I decided that since the recent issue of Parents magazine says that boys tend to not become potty trained until 39 months, that I would give myself those extra 10 months. To keep my fingers crossed that maybe his Daddy will teach him. ha.

At this moment, I smell pretty. I would totally cuddle with myself if I could.

Also, at this moment, my hair is in dire need of seeing a hair therapist. And I haven't even begun to look for one. I think it's been 8 weeks. 2 weeks overdue and I'm starting to feel Medusa-like.

So I had a little emergency bed-side surgery last week. It was less than stellar. Let me just say that you should really not try and move bedroom furniture and things of that nature by yourself for days on end. The end result could be...well, bad for your rear end. Let's just say that, I probably would have rather ran through the campus quad naked. Oh, and the doctor...way too cute to have picked that profession.

I like my house a little more each day. There are things that I am surprised we "accepted", but it's too late now. And after all that loan hassle, it will be at least another 3 years before I move again (ha...just kidding dear...sort of...). But I need so much furniture it is crazy. I probably have enough stuff for the walls. But I have no units. No where to set frames, or vases, or pictures. No where to display all my crafty ideas I stole from Martha Stewart. But we also need a back yard, blinds, another fridge, tires for my car, a boat cover. If I could ask Santa for a new vacuum that would be cool. So it's trying to figure out what takes priority and allocating the available funds to those areas.

Today, I was pulling out of the grocery store and I kind of gunned it a little because it's a busy little intersection. And from the back seat I hear, "Mama, go f*cking fast", in little 2 year old gibberish. Ummmmm........ Classy much? I swear (obviously) I must have been a sailor or a trucker in a former life.

I'm still super bitter about not getting to go to Vegas last month. And we didn't even celebrate our anniversary here. I mean come on! I think they should still send me my swag bag of goodies. That might make it all better. Well that and some piece of pretty, sparkly somethings from the husband. Psh...I didn't even get a card. AND I had to make dinner, unpack and work! WTH?

I really wish people would stop asking me how I like it out here. It's never going to be the place that we spent almost our entire life. I like it, when I visit. But it's going to take more than a month for me to start to feel like I actually live here. It's just a question that I'm really not ready to answer yet. Not too mention that I hardly leave the house because I'm plenty busy around here, so my adventuring skills have yet to kick in.

Well, I most definitely will not say that this is my big come back post like I keep saying because some crap always seems to get in the way of me being able to sit down and spend limitless hours reading my blogs and posting. However, it was so very nice to chat with you all and hopefully we can get together again soon...unlike all the uppity's around here.

Crap, I just realized that Christmas is right around the corner and now I have to decide what color theme to use for this year. Think a houseful of boys will mind pink and white?

And now, for my next trick...I will attempt potty training

2009-10-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

Potty Training for the toddler Kid, not myself. I have known how to do that for at least the last 6 or so years. Although, there may have been a couple of occasions where I could have still used my night time training pants.

Well, we are finally in the house. The loan process was horrible. But horrible for the opposite reasons you might think. I won't be getting into that because it doesn't really matter anymore and I probably could write a small paperback about the whole thing.

So, the Kid will now be referred to as the Toddler Kid. I have officially taken away his Baby status. And honestly, I'm not that sad about it. I've said it before, Those first 15 months were an uber mess of confusion, frustration and lack of sleep. I like things now. Even with the tantrums. And yes, it is time for the potty training part.

He will be 2 and a half in about 5 weeks. And considering he can now tell me that he has "poopies", I think that's a sign that he has figured it out more than I have been giving him credit.

I'm not looking forward to it that much, I just know it's the next progressive step. I know that as nice as it will be not to change a diaper, I'm still going to have to make sure that everyone around here has a clean ass. Including Frank the Dog, only it's his paws I have to keep clean because we have no yard at this point.

I will also be attempting to become a Craig's List Buyer. The move from the San Diego house allowed me to pull out of storage all my things that didn't fit that were from the other, other house. Also known as "The Blackhorse House". (Yes, we really do name our houses - I just left "The Rental" aka. "The First House We Bought Together" to move into "The Pain In the Ass House"...charming isn't it?) I knew I didn't have enough to fill up the new house entirely, but I'm beginning to think I was robbed!

We need so much stuff, it's exhausting just thinking about it. And then everyone is always asking me if I am all unpacked. Well, I have no where to place anything! My dresser was somehow damaged along the way out here and I only had one dresser. Basically, it's going to be a fight with my husband (whom I should maybe refer to as the Adult Kid) about spending money.

He's one of those ones who will, can and has lived with empty rooms and walls. He says that all I need to do is hang some things on the walls in each room and it will look fine. And I can't even reason with him how lame that is.

So, then I remembered a friend who bought tons of stuff off Craig's List and I could not believe it. Stuff that looked brand new! But I seem to be that one person who can never find that great 'score'. Plus, that means I'll have to pay cash. And after closing on this house, I'm having a tough time parting with that stuff anymore.

Honestly, for us, there is no better thing ever invented than - No Interest, No Payments for 'X' amount of year(s). I'm disciplined enough to make sure I pay it off in the appropriate time so as to not incur all those interest charges. So it's almost like borrowing money for free. I may have to do a half and half kind of thing.

Well, I'd like to welcome myself and you all back. I'm looking forward to getting into a new schedule, which thanks to the Toddler Kid starts bright and early. But there is enough to be done around here that I don't really mind. I'm also fortunate that I will still be working remotely for the same company in San Diego. So there should never be a spare moment around here!

The humidity this week refused to give my hair a chance

2009-10-15T04:24:00.000-07:00

And I'm not going to do any whining before I introduce your special surprise for today. All I need to say is that 'Shark Tank' wouldn't know what hit them if me and my guest blogger walked in wearing our "Genius" t-shirts! Lucky for me, this person just decided to Ramble my way this week!

Do you know how it feels to beg, plead, bribe, flatter someone so they'll let you take over their blog...for a moment?

That would be me. (Ahem, my name is The Rambler over at My Rambling Thoughts.)

Someone I have been reading for a long bloggy time has requested anyone out there to volunteer to man her blog as she moves her life from San Diego to Texas.

I was like....Uh, uh, pick me, pick me...uh uh (waving hand wildly, but fearing the teacher won't pick me), right here, hello, here (make eye contact dang it)..

Yeah. That was me.

Janah had no choice but to look at me. (evil laughter.. I have won)

So here I am.

What now?

Oh, right....what am I going to write.

Of course me and Janah chatted via email my topic which was a previous old conversation that sealed my undying love and loyalty to her and agreed that we were the most genius people ever born.

Are you ready for it?

We invented something and we can't believe it doesn't exist.

Ready?

A universal remote for all toys that make noise that will shut it off all at once.

I know. I know. Say it.

We.Are. Genius.

Tell me. Have you parents not been in your kids room/living room/your bedroom and it feels like every toy won't shut up. Your tired. You just want your pretty little overworked body to hit the pillow and drool away to lala land. One where servants wait hand and foot on us...(is that only my dreamland?)

But no...it's not how our little universe works. It starts with one toy...reciting the ABC's which alerts some Disney toy that starts barking it's most popular line which somehow makes the doggie walking toy start barking.

Now your half asleep trying to grab blindly for each toy that won't allow you the go card to Sleepland.

BUT if you had the invention of The Rambler and So Not Mom-a-licious...you can grab the remote on your side table and click ONE button....and sleepland never looked so close.

Sigh. I know...how DO we do it.

No, no...YOU'RE. WELCOME.

And THAT people is how we became the most genius people of the parenting world.

*************
Do come by and visit. We can chat. I can rub off some of my genius upon you...It'll be fun.

P.S....any wealthy benefactor willing to finance us to get started would be so appreciated.

Love doesn't build houses and apparently neither does money

2009-10-13T06:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know it seems odd that this whole moving thing is taking forever. Well, have you tried to get a mortgage loan lately? It is absolutely insane!!!

It's at the point where, they are asking for letters from our family members to verify who lives where and for how long. They want to know why my driver's license and paycheck stubs show the house address in California and not another address. I had to write a letter today explaining why I knocked 50 bucks off the rent for my renters (because they had to pick up my dog's poop and mow the lawn themselves!). We were supposed to close escrow September 28th. Then, it was supposed to be October 5th. Then the 9th. And now, it's supposed to be tomorrow...October 14th.

This is a mess. The moving truck is here with no where to go. I was supposed to have the moving blankets back to U-haul last Saturday - apparently giving myself 22 days to rent them, finish escrow and move in was not sufficient. The underwriter seems to think that we are lying about having a brokerage account because every other day we have to print them a statement to verify where our funds are coming from. We even had to go back to March and April and explain why we transferred money from savings to checking. Our own money! THEN, Vito had to ask his work for pay stubs from March thru May so they could verify the deposits against our statements (his company doesn't have direct deposit...in 2009.) They didn't believe they were all his checks because every so often the amount deposited would be 100 dollars less. So it's apparently borderline criminal to have 100 dollars cash in your wallet. Especially if you think that 7 months from now you may want to apply for a home loan. No, I am not joking. We started this whole process March 13th.

I was supposed to start working again today, but my report never came. We thought a week off would be enough to get settled. It seems as if every day around here is April Fool's Day...because the joke is on us. I swear to you that it seems like we are trying to close on a house that costs $2 million dollars!!!

The worst part of all of this? I can't go to SITScation now. Nice huh? I've had this planned for how many months? Bought my ticket, got my room, gave up on Botox. And now, if the loan closes this week, I will be moving over the weekend. Which is also my anniversary. You've got to be fucking kidding me.

If we ever meet and your job is as an Underwriter for a lender, I would highly suggest not telling me. If you are a loan officer or even a file clerk for a lender, I probably wouldn't even mention that.

Plus, I'm having to bounce in between all the in-laws houses. Nico has no schedule what-so-ever, in regards to anything. All he does is whine morning, noon and night. My husband is just permanently pissed about all of this and I think that I am a living zombie because there is no sleeping around here anywhere!

Ahhhh, I'm so excited to have moved. So, that's why there has been little to none of me. There is nothing funny, silly, happy or exciting to talk or write about. I'm just a huge ball of pissed off-ness. And it sucks.

Please feel free to send my sympathy cards and condolence gifts to my new address at:

The Black SUV
CA license plates
The Streets of Austin, TX

Please, no fresh fruit baskets though. My center console only has enough room for half a tray of ice and a 6 pack.

On the Part One.

2009-10-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

So my life-long BFF is driving to the great state of Texas with me. I've known her since I was 12. Since we know, every single thing about each other, here are some of the topics we discussed on Day 1 of our drive:

- dog farts
- new cars
- our outfit for the drive
- Boarder Patrol
- black appliances vs. stainless steel appliances
- dog breath
- bikini wax shapes
- how much distance before your belly hits the top of your thighs
- tummy tucks
- houses with 22 foot ceilings
- houses that burned to ground
- my house with no backyard
- Thelma & Louise and how I have not seen the whole movie
- sneaking a dog into a hotel room
- child smuggling
- food
- gas prices
- food again
- public restrooms
- Brad Pitt
- douchebags (literally and figuratively)
- other people in the car who can not drive
- why does the dog get the entire back and our shit is all crammed up in the middle?!
- cheating
- who farted?!
- flashing truckers
- flashing old people
- adult "toys" and "films"
- and many, many more

But we are on our way out and I still have to get the dog out past the cleaning lady.
See you in Texas!

Like Father, Like Daughter

2009-09-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

Well I don't know how I got out of bed this morning. Oh wait, yes I do...the phone rang. Always, always, always when I get the chance to sleep in... Today the moving truck comes and I'm gonna try and spit shine this place up for the new peeps. I'm tired and sore and stressed to the ends.

But I am thankful for this blog and those who don't mind helping me out. So today Susie, from Black Holes & Macrame has offered to help me out.

I love this post! And you must go read her other stuff. She is a great writer. I'm always so honored when people who write well read what I write. So please make her feel welcome!

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What is it with men and flatulence? We all eat things that make us gassy, I know this, but is it just me or do men pass gas audibly more frequently than women do? And I'm not talking about a discreet little 'pffft' here or barely noticeable 'poot' there, I'm talking sounds akin to a trombone being stomped on by a mad bull elephant. I have accused Darling Husband of intentionally creating bun-flapping farts by pushing the gas out with far more pressure than what is called for. He denies this categorically, but I'm not buying it. He thinks I want him to suffer and not try to get rid of the gas, but that's not what I want at all. What I really want is a man who farts like Ken. You remember Ken, right? The anatomically incorrect on-again, off-again, is-he-or-isn't-he-gay boyfriend of Barbie? Yeah, that guy. He also doesn't eat onion rings. Unlike Darling Husband. I swear to God, I ought to write the Department of Defense and offer them Darling Husband as a secret weapon. All they have to do is feed him an endless supply of onion rings (especially Burger King onion rings) because within a few short hours, that man can produce and expel enough noxious gas to make anyone surrender. Brilliant, no?

But alas, Darling Husband is no Ken doll. Not even close. Which is both bad and good. Bad because he farts. But good because he is most definitely anatomically correct. More than correct (you're welcome, Sweetheart!).

For years now, whenever Darling Husband has felt the need to pass gas, and the resulting thunderous roar from his tailpipe was heard by the students at the local school for the deaf, he has often looked around, spotted our fat feline nearby and declared in an accusing tone, "Cosmo!" (Yes, passing the blame for loud farts is a beloved pastime in our household ... I've been known to blame the cat a time or two, as well.)

It seems Darling Daughter is now getting in on the action. She 'gassed' (as she called it when she was much littler) the other night. And without missing a beat, she said accusingly, "Daddy!"

Yeah, I got a real gas out of that. *snicker*

Thing you want to know, but really don't care about.

2009-09-24T07:18:00.000-07:00

I don't really get in on Tags and Meme's and the likes. But my Cousin-in-law had posted this to her Facebook profile. I only went over to read what she wrote and then I decided that I really had to let a little bit of myself out. So I took the challenge.

There really isn't a name for this Facebook note, so I just made one up. Hope you at least get a snicker out of it!

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
a fricking cracker...yeah.

2.Where was your profile picture taken?
Charlene Giordano's 30th B-day Bash! (This would be my Facebook pic - my Blogger profile pic was taken in Cabo San Lucas...ahhhh, dreamy)

3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
Um, hell yeah...like a rockstar!

4.Name someone who made you laugh today.
duh, that would be Nico.

5.How late did you stay up last night and why?
I think 10:30 because I was tired and had to get up today to move shit!

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Sorry in-laws and mom, but hell no! San Diego is the greatest place on earth!

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
I really don't think so. So, no.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
I don't think I have friends. I suppose my Dad.

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Me and my Ex...yes. My husband and his Ex...no.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
OMGWTF! I love it!

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
damn it...today. I'm gonna miss SD and my Dad more than I ever realized.

12. Who took your profile picture?
I think her name was Teresa. And she has a hot husband Jason. And they love me. (That was the Facebook pic. My Blogger pic was taken by the couple who was staying next door to us in Cabo)

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Another duh...Nico. When you are born a supermodel it's hards to fight off the mamarazzi.

14. Was yesterday better than today?
Hell yes. Today sucked donkey dick because it hit me that I don't want to move. So I have eyes that look I injected them with salt water.

15. Can you live a day without TV?
well I think I already do. Barney and Sesame Street really isn't my forte.

16. Are you upset about anything?
Again...moving. that's about it. I'd take my small CA house over anything you want to give me anywhere else. Unless it was closer to Illinois, or my sister.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Dumb question. Ask my son.

18. Are you a bad influence?
hell f*ck yeah! But only when it comes to something good. So does that cancel out then?

19. Night out or night in?
both. you start off in and get all loosey goosey'ed up, then you take your drunk ass out and it's just as fun!

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
chapstick and water. I would suck a camel dry for that shit! The water...that's horrible. That didn't come out right at all.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My SIL, I suppose if having a baby is visiting someone in the hospital.

22. What does the last text message in your cell phone inbox say?
"Dang k"

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
iffy. So much is changing and I'm not real sure how I feel about things.

24. Do you hate any one?
of course. I wouldn't be the bitch everyone calls me if they thought I didn't. Which really means...do I REALLY hate any one? Or do they think I do.

Honestly....no. Hate is a strong word and a horrible feeling. And I just don't have that much time to put into "hating".

25. If we were to look in your face book in box, what would we find?
basic messages from friends and family about how to meet up and when am i moving.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
duh. that was so 1993. Unless you are testing me for Red Bull and straight sugar. I may have snorted that the other morning. Hey, I needed a wake up call!

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect?
If you count being called a perfect mistake perfect...then yes. otherwise, this can't be a serious question. Who the hell is perfect?!

28. What song is stuck in your head?
I'm Bringing Home a Baby Bumblebee...yeah, B is the letter of the week at daycare. Hawt, I know.

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m, who do you want it to be?
A dead person, because if they are alive, they will be dead after Frank the Dog gets to them. Oh yes, I will let him out to get you!

30. Do you want to have grandkids before you’re 50?
Hell no! That makes Nico only 15!!! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? I'm gonna have my second child at 50, right?

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow.
Watch Nico say good bye to my Dad. gee thanks for that emotinal torture.

32. Do you think too much or too little?
Way too much. I can think a basic breakfast out to the next year! With 15 different scenarios! But I just think that makes me creative.

33. Do you smile a lot?
that's kind of a loaded question. Almost 99% of the time, when I'm with my son I am smiling or laughing. But who wants to smile a lot grocery shopping, or getting gas, or mowing the lawn, or working. Yes my heart smiles a lot (awwwwww.... I know I am fricking sap lately) but my face makes me look like an asshole (remember that special search?)

A great Hostess with some Guest Postess!

2009-09-22T04:22:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog almost a year ago, Shannon was probably one of the first handful of blogs I read. I loved her title, and her description about herself and her profile pic (which has since been changed) showed me something I thought I saw in myself - a funny loving, good time having, all around great girl!

So it is my pleasure to have her do me the favor of writing up a guest post! Stop over to her place too and say hi! Make sure to check out her new house that she just moved into also! She definitely knows where I'm coming from right now. And check out her other YAGBTS posts. They are not worth missing. Thank you Shannon!

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Hey ya'll! I guess Janah is busy packing, unpacking, etc. and didn't feel like she had time to share with the rest of us...whatever...it's not like moving half-way across the country is hard or time-consuming. Bwahahaha! No, seriously, if anybody understands the trials of building and moving into your new place it's me. Been there, done that, keep your f***in' T-shirt cuz I ain't going through that again! So I am happy to guest post for Mrs. Momalicious.
In honor of them heading South, I thought I would share one of my own experiences as a Southerner. While I was born and raised here, I think we all have our YAGBTS moments. As in "Ya'll Ain't Gonna Believe This Sh*t." Read on to see what I mean. And if you happen to be reading from a certain part of Texas, get out your spray paint and make a girl feel welcome!

Just a Girl - Rock of Love

Right now I should be naping, but instead I'm adding more to my blogging plate.

2009-09-16T13:29:00.000-07:00

This is more of a test post to see if I can handle one more blog outlet. A short while ago, I joined the Blog Frog network . It's another way to promote your blog and join communities with your followers and other blogs you read.

Anyway, I keep staring at that widget on my side bar and thinking how I can try and use it. So I went over there and started a "discussion" on my forum. To me discussion just equals a very short blog post that I probably could have done here.

But I also thought that it would be easier to banter back and forth on there. Then everyone can be involved, instead of me just replying via email to each comment. And let's face it, sometimes when I reply to your comments ~~I'm fricking hilarious~~ I have a lot to say. And ~~who wants to miss out on any of that!~~ it can start great conversations.

So hop on over there and participate if you'd like. You should be able to get there through the widget on the sidebar. This is a first for me and I haven't even tested out if it takes you to the forum. Guess we'll find out when I see you over there!

After my nap of course....

I wish I had a Special Announcement...but I don't

2009-09-14T10:57:00.000-07:00

What is up with this once a week posting?! I like to think I'm helping out the blogosphere by giving everyone plenty of time to read each post.

You know how in school you would get a huge homework assignment in Chemistry that was due in 2 days. Then the next day in Statistics they gave you another huge homework assignment, only it was due the next day. So now you have two huge assignments due on the same day, plus one quiz and you have to read 3 chapters to prepare for a test the day after that? And all you keep wondering is how in the hell am I gonna get this all done?!

Yeah, I miss those days when homework was my biggest problem. My point is that I'm trying not to be like 6 teachers all at once by giving you your reading space. I'm letting your eyes relax. Relax your eyes...but don't forget to open them back up and read the rest of this!

Had lots of fun shit talking on Twitter last night during the VMA's. No, I won't re-cap. It's all over the media world. Don't forget if you decide to follow me on Twitter let me know so I can hit ya back. It's no fun when you feel like you are always talking to yourself.

The moving truck will be here the end of this week. That must mean that I am officially moving. I'm nervous about all of that and a whole lot of sad. We really don't want to leave here, but for now it's what we have to do. And thankfully, I will always have a home to come back to if we choose. So that's the bright side I suppose.

I wish I had something funny to write about, but the only thing I can think of is the outfit Perez Hilton wore to the VMA's last night. His blazer looked like the top of a blueberry Pop-Tart. His shorts were a cross between ~~burning vomit~~ pink and coral. And he was sporting a pair of yellow combat boots that would even blind the eyes of the sun. Flame Retardant. That is all I would say to him. And I'd like to think he would get it.

Now, for the end. As to not keep everyone in limbo for a week at a time, I'd like to have some guest bloggers. No, you do not have to link up. I mean a real guest post. I'm going to space them out and sprinkle in my own love between. So if you are interested in sharing blog love between us, then let me know!

Must go attack my "To Do" list, which seems to grow by the hour!

Everything you always wanted to know...

2009-09-07T06:01:00.000-07:00

About me. Or maybe you don't and I just feel like talking about myself a little bit.

I finally booked my room in Vegas for the SITScation Awesome Festival. Because that's what it's gonna be. So that means that it's. on. And now a few things you might want to know about me in case I quiz you at this fab convention. Or maybe I just might quiz you for no particular reason. Maybe one day on Twitter, I will bust out with some security question that confirms you are a real follower and not just someone who is trying to get me to view your neked pics.

Ooooo, this could be like a make up post for my 100th post that kind of came and went like my birthday does every year. (beware of that second post because there should have been a disclaimer when it was published...only the disclaimer came in the next post, but it was more of an explanation or maybe kind of a general apology)

And now for "Everything you maybe wanted to kind of sort of know about me, hopefully."

~I will probably not be getting Botoxed for this upcoming convention. I really wanted to, but I can barely make time to eat, sleep and breath let alone get to the doctor's office for that. Now, if only my hairstylist did Botox...then I would totally be set to go. But she doesn't, so the giant forehead wrinklewill have to be joining us if we take any pictures together.

~I haven't managed to drop any of my extra L-B's for October. So you'll just have to love me juicy! And I'm okay with that so I hope you are too! Me and my belly can get down just the same as the rest.

~I love chips and salsa. This is not an over-exaggeration. I love chips and salsa. I have been know to sneak in a small ramekin even for breakfast. Don't judge...salsa is not fattening at all. As for the tortilla chips...um, so. Substitute it for morning toast. I will eat nothing but chips and salsa for an entire meal. Kind of like I did for dinner tonight.

~I am slightly, less than, borderline obsessed with the movie Tristan and Isolde. I have seen this movie a ton of times. Just the other day I was watching it, and it was the beginning of the movie...I already had goose bumps on my arms and was ready to start crying because I knew how the movie turned out! Maybe it's just James Franco...damn. I would have done anything to be his wench back then and have him lurking around and sulking over me and crying because he couldn't love me publicly since I was the new Queen and all. *sigh* Old century romance is so romantic.

~I must also say that I am not the "romantic" kind. Totally don't fall for it, or go for it, or even expect it. When my husband buys me a few lottery scratchers randomly, well that's romantic enough for me. I don't do sweet and sensitive very well. Not that it wouldn't be appreciated, I guess it's just kind of wasted on me. Now, make me laugh hysterically and I just may be swept off my feet by you!

~I don't really dig sweets. There are a few exceptions to that rule(very few), but in general, when you are passing around the birthday cake and I say 'no', it's really not because I'm trying to watch what I'm eating. I really don't want any. It does nothing for me. And when you force me to take a plate, it really makes me sad that I leave the room and throw it in the trash. A pizza with some candles on it is a much better solution in my mind. Salt, salt, salt...I love salt. I do, however, love to dip super salty french fries into a nice vanilla shake...oh it's so yummy!

I could totally keep going on, but I'll save a little bit of myself and just sprinkle it here and there. Or you could just read some of these posts .

Stop the Presses

2009-09-02T09:03:00.001-07:00

Well since blogs aren't real newspapers, then what would we call the presses?

I knew I should have waited to do a link post because it wasn't what I really wanted to do anyway. So then, I went to go change it so that maybe I could just re-use it at a later date and time but ended up deleting it.

With literally one click. There wasn't even a "Are you really really really sure you want to do this?" option. Oh well.

But this all brings me to something I'm freaking out about a little bit. And I am aware that everything will be perfectly fine.

My husband wants to come home for the weekend. Not this Labor Day weekend. But next weekend. When he visits, he has to leave on Friday's since he can't really miss work. Next Friday is September 11th.

To this day, I still have a difficult time thinking about the tragedy of this day. For our 1 year anniversary, we went to New York. We stayed at the Embassy Suites that is located on the opposite corner of where the WTC was located. When I booked the hotel, I did not know this. We could see the gigantic hole from our room. When we wanted to head out and do something, we had to walk by that site every single time.

You couldn't not think about it. And for me, I couldn't even get my mind to fully grasp that I was standing in a place that the year before I had watched on television.

And while I am forever grateful for the protection this country receives from our military, and those who work at the airport, it's still difficult not to let your mind go there when that day comes around. Personally, I don't think I could bring myself to fly on that day.

Would you be able to do it?

Also, after researching airfares, how are any airlines other than Southwest still in business? 700 bucks for a roundtrip ticket?!

Why does every day feel like Monday?

2009-09-01T05:04:00.000-07:00

Well in case you haven't been able to tell...I've got too much on my plate to add blogging to it. Trying to schedule a move date, work, clean (which seems impossible when you are trying to pack), shower, etc. I have 3 loads of laundry spilling over a large laundry basket. Each of them clean. Sitting there, staring at me, every night I go to bed. Crying out in pain from the wrinkles. Begging to be loved by a hanger. The only action they get, is when I swipe my hand through them, with my eyes closed, to pick out a shirt I hope matches any given pair of pants I can find in that same pile.

Not folding laundry could also just be a result from me hating to do laundry regularly. It is also possible, that there are that many loads waiting for attention even when I have nothing else going. But I am not admitting to anything.

Ahhhh....it's that time. That time when everything comes to a head, gets ready to hit the fan and then all gets finished without a second to spare.

I knew it would be here eventually. It's just that it seemed as those it was taking forever. Then forever quickly passed by me and now, well, I don't have forever. I have about 3 weeks. That's just to get the house completely packed up and living arrangements made for the Kid.

I will still have to stay an extra week, to coordinate the actual move and meet with the renter. Oh, I forgot to add that to the list. Somehow I have to show this place while it looks like a disaster area. Run credit checks, call employers, clean the carpets (or just have it replaced altogether!).

If I click my leopard print stiletto's together three times, will I wake up in Texas, with everything in it's rightful place? Can I at least try? I know, they don't go with this outfit anyway.

Another sappy Mommy Moment brought to you by Me.

2009-08-25T06:54:00.000-07:00

We all know that we all have different parenting styles. For myself and my husband, the one thing that we did "right", was to not co-sleep with our son. However, we have many, many things that we feel we did "wrong". (I swear this list is wayyyyyy longer than the other list. Like 100 to 1.)

My reason for prefacing with that, is because it's not an absolute rule in the household. At least, not for me. There have been a few times when Nico has asked, "Mama's bed?" One of which was last night, one time when he was sick and I'm throwing in the third time just to not exaggerate that it really never happens.

I was totally okay with this. Except he wanted me there with him. So I gave in and laid next to him. Next thing you know, I have this cute, little, snuggle bunny right next to me. That's when the Mommy Moment hit me. Of course, once those hit you, then your flooded with an abundance of other thought and emotions.

This is what I realized in that moment:

-I am so in love with him. But it hasn't always been like this. In the beginning, I was not instantly bonded with this child, who is my son. I still felt a basic need to take care of him. But we struggled. We got over it. Then we struggled some more. I don't know if I have just learned patience, or if I really was disconnected to him. No matter what, I know how I feel now. And I would never change what I went through to get here.

-As much as kids need their routine and a schedule, when he wants to break it for precious moments like that. I will gladly, happily and without much resistance give in to him. The way I look at it, there will be a day when he will shut me out. It's bound to happen. I don't want to look back and wish that I had sat on the porch with him when he asked, or played with his cars on the little train set or not let him cuddle with me when he wanted to. I just don't see how letting those moments happen out of routine are going to make him a behavioral mess when he's older.

-When I completely let go of all the stressful thoughts that consume most of my brain space, and put RH of ATL on pause, and just enjoy time itself with him, I can really get a sense that nothing is more important in my life than being loved and loving my family. Plus, I can just breathe in that sweet baby bath smell and be sooo happy that he got a bath!

I'm sure I may have blogged this before. Who knows...I'm too lazy to go back and re-read anything of mine. And I know that I've been throwing in more posts about my Kid more then usual, but that's what you get when he's the only man in my life right now!

And just to offset the sincerity and seriousness that I have displayed, here is a great little "wrong" moment: I let that same adorable child eat 4 mini-donettes in said bed this morning. Because I went to bed after 12:30am and he woke up before 6am. And I was so, very tired. Now I will have to sleep with crumbs. Lots of crumbs. Because I will probably forget to change the sheets. Aw hell, who am I kidding...the sheets won't get changed because by the time I make it to the bedroom, I just want to go to sleep!

Now, why don't you tell me about about your "rights" or "wrongs".

Would these searches really make for interesting blogs?

2009-08-20T04:38:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of people blog about the keywords that drive traffic to their blog. I haven't been super interested in my keywords for awhile, but for some random reason I was looking at my stats when I broke out in laughter. And for approximately, 40 minutes I was so amused by this one statement:

'Sometimes my personality makes my face look like an asshole.'

I guess it's better then your personality making your asshole look like a face. Which would be...odd. Especially if you could see down that far. and if you could, would it be like looking into your own face? Hmmm...

I can't say that I'm surprised they ended up here. Yes, I do feel like that sometimes. And to whomever searched that, I just have to say thank you for the laugh.

Here's some others that caught my eye:

~Cinnabuns striping video (Close, but my old stage name was actually Pepper Shakers)

~I don't know if I'm the Dad (Well, I'm certainly not the Dad.)

~I think I'm hot (I think I'm hot too.)

~naked lady moped pictures (No, she wasn't naked, just crazy.)

~pimp ass gang names (Not sure about gangs, but I can help you with hood names.)

~I am a good driver (No. No, you're not. I am.)

~how can I tell my mom I snuck out of my friend's house (Very, very carefully)

~boyfriends mom let's him drink (Did you sneak out of your friends house and find that out? tsk. tsk.)

P.S. My boys come home tonight! So, I'm guessing I will be MIA for the rest of the week/weekend. Hope you miss me. I'll still be thinking of you!

It's like having a booger in your nose and no one tells you.

2009-08-18T04:37:00.000-07:00

At least that's how it felt.

Just a quick post about Twitter. I noticed I had a handful of out clicks on my Twitter badge. Well, I tested it out to see where you all were at and realized that it wasn't set up to go to my account.

The problem has been resolved! So please, for more glorious fun with me, click on the badge again. I promise I will be there this time.

I would also love to know if I don't follow you and you would like me to. No one likes talking to themselves. Well, except for me. Unless I'm yelling at myself. Then, I get really pissed that I'm even acknowledging myself. *sigh* Me and Myself have issues when we're together.

And just another little tidbit about me... If you did have a booger in your nose, I would tell you. Ask my co-workers. In a nice way of course. I'd totally ask you if you would want someone to tell you if you had something on, or around, your face. If the answer was "yes", then I would let you know.

This also applies to:

-lipstick on your teeth (especially red, wine or plum. and not including clear lip gloss)

-pepper in your teeth (or anything green, red, yellow or brown)

-bugs in your hair (except maybe bees because then I'm outta there!)

-bugs or any type of animal on your back (I also reserve the right to back my ass up on this one too)

-gum on your pants

-untied shoes (excludes flip flops)

-unzipped zippers (this one is touchy. not literally! Well maybe..ask me after Vegas. It just depends on what kind of undies you wear.)

-someone digging through you purse (unless it's me and I really just wanted some gum)

-mascara "spider legs" on your eyelid (Come on! You know what those are. When you don't let your mascara dry and you get all batty-lashes on yourself in the mirror, only to miss that you have now smeared those lashes on your upper lid making it look like you just learned how to use the stuff!)

-if your fake hair is falling out or off (toupees included!)

There you have it! Best Buds on Twitter and no spinach teeth! What more could you want in a friend?

wait, don't answer that....

This is no Veggie Tales moment

2009-08-17T04:52:00.000-07:00

I swear on everything about cooking...I really do know how to operate in a kitchen. But I am really starting to piss myself off and am about ready to slap myself upside the head.

Not too long ago, some of you may remember that I was trying to start a love affair with an artichoke. All hell broke loose. I am happy to report that you would never be able to tell that I was brutalized by an artichoke.

And said incident did not keep me from stalking all artichokes at the grocery store. Just waiting to pounce on my next victim. What was keeping me from all sorts of vegetable maceration was the prefect dipping sauce to accompany my next perfect artichoke.

I even hit up one of my favorite cooking blogs Cinnamon & Spice to ask avid culinary artist Reeni if she could help me figure something out.

Well, what really happened is I was thinking about asking her and then she hit me up in comments and I thought "Oh the irony!" and begged for her help, to which she also said "Oh the irony!" and she had been wanting to make something with chipotle peppers for that week. And she totally rocks because she came up with a recipe. I felt like she created it just for me! Basically because she said she did do it for me. Aweomse all the way around!

Anyway, all of that brings me to yesterday. When I was prepared and ready to get down to business with my new artichoke and my new recipe. Until this bullshit happened...

Seriously...W. T. F. I started boiling it and forgot about it. How did I forget? Because I'm packing and doing all sorts of other crap! Then I smelled. And I knew it was going to be the end to my artichoke craving for the day. I boiled over half of the water out, ruined the artichoke and the water looks disgusting. And I get to scrub the pot.

Can't a girl just get to eat a damn artichoke around here!!!

Maybe I was a tree in another life.

2009-08-14T04:42:00.000-07:00

I know that I am not the biggest sap out there, but I am a Mother. So with that, comes a new set of hormones.

Pre-child, they barely existed. (And I really do mean barely. They were so scant that some people were nice enough to say things like "Wow, you're going to be fun to be around pregnant." Or "You're going to have kids?!" And those things weren't said in the nice, supportive tone that most people get when their friends and family find out they are pregnant. Just because I wasn't the "kid" lover they all were didn't mean I was going to be the Cruella DaVille of mothers.)

(Which brings me to a small rant that I am going to keep in quotes. Screw all of you who ever said that to me. I loved the fact that I didn't fit the stereotype that you all put on me when I was pregnant and , now, as a mother. It gives me satisfaction that I didn't whine, bitch, moan or complain about all the shit you did. And that as much as you wanted to make my pregnancy as miserable as yours, it didn't happen. So nanny-nanny-boo-boo to you.)

(Sorry, I needed to get that off my chest.)

Back to my point I suppose. These new hormones apparently lived somewhere inside of me because they grow more and more everyday. We'll call them Mom-o-gens. Or Mom-mones. And this week, they are in high gear!

I just got back Wednesday night from Austin. Alone. And I can feel the pit of my stomach in the middle of my throat. I wore sunglasses all of Wednesday. Even to my last design center appointment. Inside, where there was no sun. My eyes look like they have a sunburn. (Oh, house comment = hair comment. I got my hair done today just in time for no one to see it.)

I left the Kid there with Dada. They will be coming back to our San Diego "home" next Thursday. During the day, he will get to spend time with Nana, Papa, Auntie Lili, Maya, Lola, Grandma and Mandy. So there is absolutely no lack of love being spent on him.

But that doesn't matter. Because I'm the Mom. And isn't it MY love that matters the most?! Isn't it? I'm the really, super important one, right? Who's going to cuddle with him every morning when he wakes up? Or dig the boogers out of his nose so he looks presentable in public? Who will give him that extra vitamin that he thinks are fruit snacks because he asks so cutely? Who's going to steal back his cars that he wasn't playing with, but now wants because someone else has them? If not me, who?

Then I get this phone call:

Dada: "Say hi Mama."

Nico: "Hi Mama."

Me: "Hi baby!" (hold'em back, don't do it! do. not. break!)

Dada: "Say I love you Mama."

Nico: "Love ewww."

Me: (OHMYGOD! I can't hold back. It's all over now!)"WAHHHHHH.....love you....WAHHHH...buddyyyyy....BWAHAHAH."

Then I made the mistake of trying to re-group myself and actually have a conversation with my 2 year old.

Me: "sniff, sniff...are you being a good boy for Nana? sniff, sniff"

Nico: "a good boy?"
Me: "WAHHHHHHHHHHHh!!!"

It's going to be a long week.

I knew I was born to be a Rockstar

2009-08-11T04:35:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was watching the Sugarland special on ABC. It kind of hit me that I really don't know what is on the radio much anymore. I've said before that I really do have a love of all types of music.

When I was younger, all I ever wanted to do was sing. I played the cello, the piano, the flute and the vibraphone (kind of like a xylophone). I tried the clarinet, but just couldn't get into it. Well, suck me sideways, who knew I was ~~hot, sexy, smart, witty~~ musically inclined?

There I sat, listening to a country band that I had honestly never heard one song from. That will probably tell you how long it's been since I've flipped through radio stations. They were singing most of their music but threw in some other tunes from other artists.

That's when I realized what it is I want to do with my life. Can you believe it? It has finally hit me!

I'm going to start a cover band. Yep. And I get to pick whatever position I want to play. So I pick being the lead singer. You all can fill in where you want. That's right, I'm going to hold auditions for all of you to join.

Being in my cover band is going to be so fun and super easy! There will be a list of qualifications, but don't worry about not meeting all, or any, of them. I'm totally willing to work on your skills with you.

Qualifications to audition for my totally awesome, booty dropping, hips-a-popping, no lip syncing, hot ass cover band are as follows:

- Let me begin by saying there is no age or gender requirement.

- You must have at least a minimal amount of knowledge about topics ranging from the current Alphabet to Zaboomafoo, with a little understanding of everything in between. Like Imagination Movers, Go Diego Go and Toot & Puddle.

- A background in Roary the Racing Car, along with Thomas the Train is heavily encouraged, but not required.

- Since we will be concentrating on a variety of songs, it would be wise to brush up on all colors, shapes, numbers and animal sounds.

- If you know how to jump, stomp, march, skip, hop, "high-five", roll (preferably in the dirt or sand) then we will probably move you towards the top of the auditions.

- Any additional skills such as playing a tambourine, clapping, shaking rice in a water bottle (or even better, pennies in a water bottle), maintaining a sitting position during circle time, and the ability to wipe your own butt would be greatly appreciated.

Time and place where auditions will be held is TBD. More then likely it will take place after nap time, probably during snack time, on the playground at daycare.

We should probably start thinking of names. Maybe something along the lines of So Not Mom-a-licious and the Tiny Tots. Hmm...The Dirty Diapers and a Not Hot Mama. What about Puzzle Pieces in my Martini (which has the possibility of being my next blog name)? Or maybe The Fingerpaints? We can sleep on it...

Now tell me you don't want to be a Rockstar too!

Linky Love & a Bonus Thought

2009-08-07T04:26:00.000-07:00

Well, it was by far more successful then the very first one I did. I managed to get 17 links. Of those, 1 was mine, 1 was from my friend Patty P - who doesn't have a blog, but god bless her for making my numbers look good, my girl hotpants commented a second time to let us all know that she really can spell and then Mrs. Hornbuckle's link wasn't working (it is now Mandy so don't worry!). So I had only 13, but now it's 14.

I shouldn't say only because that's 10 more then I had before. I was just a little discouraged because that page had 53 visits. I will say that 6 of them were from me. The math on that is 47. And I figured it was a pretty simple link to do. But pimping at easy.

I was excited that people who frequent here, but kind of sit on the sidelines showed for the party.

There were my always faithful regulars.

There were some that have been with me from almost day one.

Some that I hope to meet someday soon.

And some that write so eloquently, that I can't believe they stop by here to read my crap.

Then, there were some new friends, who hopefully stick around.

Some that I have stalked from my first blogging month.

And yet others that I feel will fit in nicely.

All in all, I really couldn't be happier. I like where we are at. This little corner of ours that we all get to mingle in. You guys are there for me when it counts and that always puts a smile on my face and makes me excited to check my email everyday!

But the time has come for me to hang up the linky hat. Mr. Linky can keep my ten dollars for the 10 month membership I still have. He didn't supply me with the right link anyway. I'm just going to leave the linking to everyone else. (Unless, somebody really, really, really begged me.)

I'll just stick to posting and hoping that you all come out of the dark every once in awhile to say what's up!

OH! Also, this is my 100th post. And look, I totally didn't even talk about me and I dedicated this all to you. Because you rock and that's how I roll.

LinkFest 1

2009-08-05T04:00:00.000-07:00

This has the potential to be one of the worst things I have ever done with a video camera. Yes, even more so then that one time....

Please know that there was no make-up invloved in the shooting of this clip. Yes, my hair was half way done because I will not have time to do it in the morning. I was in bed, sort of. And my pupils look like the size of dimes thanks to the lighting crew. So cut me a little slack okay?

There are no real rules to this. You don't have to pick a particular theme, topic or even a post. You can just link to your blog. I'm going to come by and read them all and if al goes well, the next time I will Showcase (TPIR style!) one at the begining of the post and we'll just have a linky fest this week. Every other day permitting.

I do have the right to say screw it to all of this. But that will only be if there is no participation. I can only embarrass myself so many times.

Now link up and make the humiliation of this video worth it!!!

(Dear Mr. Linky, you suck donkey d!ck. Thank you.)

Things to do while on Vacation

2009-08-03T12:15:00.000-07:00

Actually, this is going to be a "Things to do while on Vacation" homework assignment for all of you to do for me. Because I will be the one on vacation. Where vacation actually means just going out of town to get some things done (see below) while I am also working.

So maybe it's not a real vacation. I haven't had one of those in years. But I will be away and probably not tending to my blog how I would like.

That's where you come in.

While I am away, I will be putting up Mr. Linky for everyone who stops by. Your responsibility is to just add yourself to it. In whatever fashion you would like. You can list your name, or your blog name, you can link to a specific post, or to your blog in general.

The only requirement is that you comment on this post to let me know if you will be participating. The last time I did a linky post I had 4 peeps do it and of those, only 3 were legit.

If we have enough comments here with people willing to participate, then I will schedule a post for Wednesday. (If there aren't enough, well then you won't see me until I get back) I leave early in the morning, so that's why it will have to be scheduled. I will make sure to schedule for first thing in the morning.

Now, if we have a successful turnout, then I will go through all the links and pick out one that made my day and then, the next time I post the linky again, I will "Showcase" that link in that days post. Just in case anyone missed reading it. I am gone for a week, so I figured every other day we could do this. (Wed, Fri, Sun, Tues)

It's basically like you will be writing for me while I am away. Guest Bloggers without having to schedule too far in advance.

There you have it! Leave your feedback here!

The Perfect Afternoon Invitation

2009-07-30T04:26:00.000-07:00

Here's how it started:

To: So Not Mom-a-licious
What: A glorious afternoon Nap
When: 12:30pm (Sharp) - 3:00pm (give or take)
Where: A luxurious, pillow-top, king size bed
RSVP: None needed, we already know you're coming and the bed is ready.
Pajama bottoms not mandatory, but highly recommended.

It was the perfect afternoon yesterday. The weather couldn't have been better. Mother Nature sent the best nap time weather, as if she just knew one was needed. It didn't get hot like it was supposed to. The breeze coming in through the windows was still cool and felt so good on my face. It was just enough to let you snuggle in the covers while letting your feet hang out to feel the coolness. The neighborhood was quite. Only one motorcycle and one car the entire time. No barking dogs, no screaming kids, no phones ringing, no neighbors smoking. Even Frank the Dog joined in. Sleep-a-licious.

However, it would have been nice if they had sent Amendment 1 to that invitation, which would have stated:

To: So Not Mom-a-licious
What: A mini, cat nap session for your eyelids only
When: 1:17pm - 1:43pm (this is to include unwind time to get to sleep like state)
Where: In the bed, but Frank the Dog must be allowed to sleep right next to you
RSVP: Required in advance, or Frank the Dog gets the entire. king size. bed. Including pillows.
Pajama bottoms recommended, but cotton maternity leisure gauchos are acceptable.

I will say that I got about 20 minutes in. I guess I shouldn't complain. But then the dog had to lay right on me, and it felt like I was wearing an 85 pound fur coat. My phone was vibrating with text messages. It was obvious that it was getting closer to 2 in the afternoon because the traffic began to pick up and get louder. I started sweating my ass off once the sun came around the corner. The crows...those damn crows. More text messages. A firetruck, that I was secretly praying would go away from my area, and instead came towards. A headache that slowly crept in from lack of rest. So Not Sleep-a-licious.

Oh well, hopefully there will be a next time.

Important Message to all Blogher attendees!

2009-07-27T04:03:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to put it out there like this:

We all know that Blogland was quite and more reserved this weekend without you all around. And I'm sure that it was fun,entertaining and educational. That's wonderful for all of you.

But, I need the goods. The real goods. The good stuff. The juicy stuff. The juicy gossip.

Look, I can't hide it all the time. While I am very good about keeping secrets, there are times when I just love gossip. This is that time.

Your Tweets during the day were not lacking. They were, however, lacking during the evening. You know when all you broads had finally slipped out of the "I'm here to learn something and network" mode and slipped into "I'll show these bitches that I really am a Rockstar" mode. (Friends this may, or may not, possibly happen to me in Vegas in October. It will depend on A)how much I have eaten during the day and B)if my husband is making the drinks or not. Because he always feels "lucky" in Vegas.)

Anyway, we all know the advances of Twitter. You can send a message and a picture all at the same time. So I feel a little stiffed. I mean, there were no pictures to be seen! Now, I can't follow every single person who went to Blogher and I didn't have time to hang on Tweetgrid to follow second by second play back, but I really think that someone could have thrown us a teaser of how the night was going!

There were some who posted a little, but not much. And that was fun. But let me tell you about the posts that I really am not going to want to read about. The ones where you talk about how great the panels were, and the break out sessions and the swag bags. I don't care if you learned how to finally add an HTML code or got lucky with someone who wanted to place an ad on your blog. While those things are all real swell, they are boring.

I know that no one is going to really throw anyone else "under the bus". And believe me when I say, that I appreciate that (because again, October in Vegas may be an instance where I don't want to be called out on the carpet!) However, there has to be some stories. Some 'share-able' stories.

Since not everyone drinks, there has to be somebody out there who can remember all the details very vividly. For instance, who didn't make it to the panels the next morning. Who went out that night, somewhere other then the Sheraton...and did anything goooood happen? Was there anyone who like passed out drunk at dinner? Maybe in a hallway? Without naming names, were there just total divas there? Were there any diva confrontations? Any break-up's, hook-up's or throw-up's? I can keep this list going, believe you me.

So for my sake and the fact that I didn't get to go hang, I want to know what I missed. I need to live through you. But I don't want to know about the convention. Because if I had gone, chances are very good that I would have skipped all classes and been the one writing about myself!

P.S. I wrote this Saturday, but wanted to wait until today to post it because I wanted to give everyone a chance to get home. But I have seen little bits and pieces (or should I say little tweets and posts) about things. So if you know something I don't, add the link in your comment!

Pink Lemonade isn't always that great

2009-07-26T11:30:00.000-07:00

I just saw something that reminded me of this story from a long time ago....

I was staying the night at my boyfriend's house (big mistake). It was during the summer and of course it was hot. Sometimes, during the summer here, it will stay hot at night too.

So there we were, trying to sleep in the heat with the windows open. Right before we had went to bed, "the boyfriend" (just move on from him) made a big, plastic mug of pink lemonade. Yum. I don't often get up during the night to get a drink. But for some reason, this night I woke up and was thirsty. The mug was on my side of the bed so I reached over and took a few sips.

The boyfriend's (let him go girl, he's no good) family was into pulpy juices. Of which I am not much of a fan of. I like no pulp. Makes for less stuff to pick out of your teeth. Although I don't know why you'd have to pick pulp out of your teeth if you are just drinking, but maybe you're not. Maybe you're trying to chew your juice.

After I took my sips of lemonade, I remember thinking "Ugh, enough with the pulp!" (yes lemonade out of those frozen cans does have a little in it) And because it was a little too pulpy for my liking I really didn't drink much. Then I went back to sleep.

Well, wouldn't you know...it wasn't pulp. When I woke up the next morning, I went to take the mug with me and when I looked in (and then around the nightstand) I saw f*cking ants. In the mug. Of lemonade that I drank during the night. That I thought was pulp.

I drank ants. (and the boyfriend dumped me...thank goodness!)

A few "Randoms" all Wrapped up into a Post

2009-07-23T04:07:00.000-07:00

I decided to make a pasta salad this afternoon. I have a new love for Paul Newman's Balsamic Vinaigrette. There I am, cleaning up my mess, putting the extras in containers. I had some leftover olives so I pull out a container and dump 10 whole olives into it. 10. After counting them, I ate one and now there really are only 9. The reason I didn't just eat those 9 and be done with it? I don't know.

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Everyday, I clean the kitchen. And everyday, it is a mess. It's so annoying, but I can't blame anyone because I am the only one in there.

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I want to know who put the damn sandwich sized bags in with the quart sized bags, forcing me to sift through them and put them in their proper box. That would be me. Since I'm the only one ever in the kitchen.

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I would just like to clear something up from my last post. When I said I was checking out my hair, it wasn't because I wanted to make sure it looked good. Because it didn't. That was my 'run-to-get-the-Kid-after-cleaning-all-day-do'. I meant I was checking it out because I can tell when my next hair appointment is by the length of my roots. I'm about half-way in between appointments.

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Can someone tell me at what age a toddler starts to understand the process of reasoning? I'm really getting frustrated with this one-way giving and taking deal.

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I am going to the SITScation thing. As stated before in my drunk post. I am paying my own way and for my own room. I really don't have a problem with that. It's over my anniversary weekend anyway, so I was able to roll it into that. What I need to know is 1)should I be making 'cards' for this conference and 2)I totally want to make a card with a little trinket attached. But it has to be for 100 peeps. What can I do, or should I do, that will be easy, simple, cute and make everyone smile. Oh, and hopefully help them remember me. And of course remember you, because if I use your idea you will totally get props.

I kept thinking of a simple charm. But not everyone is into jewelry. *gasp* I totally just figured it out. But I am afraid to say because I would be sad if someone else yanked my idea. Which has happened to me before. And it really did make me want to cry. Maybe I will elaborate on that little annoyance in another post.

Anyway, I'm such a giver that even though I don't have a major sponsor...hahahahahaahahhaahaha. ha. ha. I'm sorry, even though I have NO sponsor. Ok, wait. Even though my only sponsor is my husband, I still have this need to give something to my girls. Damn, I'm just a giver like that.

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The End.... And basically Blogher has nothing on this. I like that SITScation is limited and intimate. That just makes it easier for me to annoy 99 other people and try to make them like me. Where as at Blogher, I would probably get kicked out of the hotel!

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I realize all of that was random. But that's okay right? Can I get your opinions on all of it? Honest opinions. I mean, if you don't give a shit about my hair, just say it. If you could give a rat's ass about SITScation, then tell me. Look, I already love the fact that you are here. I just want to know if you like being here.

Do you think you would invite me and my husband over for a BBQ? (Think about that one, because chances are you may really regret it once we show up. Although I do always bring a gift for the hostess.) Maybe I don't want to know the answer.

Or, maybe I just want to know what you want to know about me. I'd like to think that I was an open book. I don't often hide anything. Just don't look in the bottom drawer of the bureau. Alright I am done rambling.

Until the next time! Look forward to hearing from you and having you come back!

Hair it is. Hou'se That?

2009-07-20T03:45:00.000-07:00

Get it? Get it? Hair was supposed to be Here. And Hou'se was supposed to be How's. Yeah, just trying to think creatively for post titles. It just doesn't work for me. And for some reason my hair and the house seem to always end up in the same post.

Let's get started.

The other day I was having fun on Twitter. I rarely spend copious amounts of time on there. I like to hop on, make my statements, see what the most recent Tweets and then I'm usually done. But I was in a relaxing state of mind and felt like trying to have a little bit of a convo when I signed on.

So there I am, tweeting away in Twitterland. Just trying to talk in 140 word or less conversations, when all of a sudden @daxholt (from TMZ) wrote a tweet about receiving some crazy mail from someone yelling at him in jail. Anyway, I'm not very good at web page copying and then pasting, so I can't show it to you. But it was so awesome because I then tweeted something to him. And he Re-Tweeted it!!! I mean I totally felt like a borderline celebrity.

I ended up calling the husband to tell him and my sister-in-law. She was razzing me and asking if the paparazzi were outside my house yet. I said no, but I was totally ready with my celebrity shades on, then I snapped this picture to text her:

I was trying to be silly and what not. Well, after I was done checking out my hair because it's just a bad habit...I fricking realized that I really do need Botox! Remember this picture from my last hair post? (Of which I didn't make any larger for obvious reasons to me now.)

This was the beginning of me noticing the two huge horrible wrinkles on my forehead. Or whatever they are called. Age lines? UGH! I'm back to vowing not to take anymore pictures. And so much for being borderline celebrity. I don't think I even enjoyed my short lived fame for 5 minutes.

And now, to get your mind off of the mass amount of wrinklage that might as well just take over my entire body...here are some pictures of the house. It's finished and I can't wait to move in. And all of those cars come with it.

Okay fine. So that's not my house. I'm still trying to get your mind of the wrinkles. Try these on for size.

That doesn't look good. Well at least it looks worse then a wrinkle.

The stone that will be on the rest of the house.

Remember to forget about the wrinkles, okay? I would like to try and start this week off right! Hope you had a great weekend!

A few Recommendations, from experience.

2009-07-14T04:00:00.000-07:00

I would like to highly suggest, that when you go on vacation, DO NOT start drinking cocktails in the early afternoon, in 103 degree whether, while sitting in the pool with your sister-in-law.

The extreme heat and sun are a combination that leads to becoming intoxicated very early on in the evening. This also can lead to conversations about blog give-aways and reviews that you are excited to show said sister-in-law. This will probably end very badly with you writing, what you think are humorous emails, to the product sponsors. These emails will not come across as funny to the people you send them to.

They may just tell you to screw off and not to bother hosting their give-away.

Also, after sitting in the pool all day drinking and bullshitting, I would recommend you do not try to post anything to your blog. Drunk blogging should be a crime. Especially when you go on and on about your birthday, when you know that you really don't care if anyone knew about it or not. If you can, try to make sure your laptop has no battery life so that you can just spare yourself the public humiliation.

And don't try to label your posts either. It seems like it makes sense when you're doing it, but when you sober up, there will be nothing rational about it.

So, do one or the other. Enjoy a nice afternoon with some cocktails, or blog. But don't drink and blog. Vegas should be interesting for me. Maybe I'll further humiliate myself and just drunk Vlog. Hey, at least I didn't start with the "I love you guys." Or did I?

2009-07-13T03:30:00.000-07:00

Awwww... I would just like to say that the "followers" who are no longer "following" I am sorry for whatever it is that pissed you off.

Oddly enough, I haven't posted in a week. I find it hard to believe that that is part of the problem. I also find it hard to believe that my content is lacking in anything inspirational.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Okay, so I honestly do find it hard to believe that you would NOT find anything at least slightly humorous. I mean, my life is a train wreck half of the time. And in a funny way I suppose. At least I try to find the funny in it.

I am currently on "vacation". It really isn't a vacation. I am just away from my natural habitat for the time being. I will return there this Tuesday.

Also..................................................................

I would like to let you all know that you forgot about my birthday. And there was only one person who read my post label and realized it was my birthday. And even she screwed that up. She thought it was this coming Monday, which is only because she read my post later then expected. So I still give her props for even wishing me a HBD.

I know you all want to know for future reference...July 6th. That is the magical day. (honestly it sucked. It was the first time I was ever alone for my B-day...it was lame.)

No...no. Seriously. I don't want to hear it anymore. Belated...Schmelated. Who cares. Honestly. I am a big girl and it's okay if we don't have a huge party. However, if you happen to be in the Austin area NEXT year...then you just may be missing out on the party of a lifetime.

But I will let you know in advance. Until then, you will have to be happy just meeting me at Sitscation. And even that might require security.

For me of course......hashahahahahahahaha! So I will sit here and let that be my happy birthday in itself. Hoping to see you there!

A few "Randoms" all Wrapped up into a Post

2009-07-03T04:05:00.000-07:00

My burn is not healing so nicely. The skin was ripped off of it when the Kid decided to use my chest as a Hot Wheels track. The only piece of skin left saving it from scarring probably. p.s. Hot Wheels. Call me. We need to talk about bulk pricing, seriously.

You know how, when you put your bra on, you kind of pull the sisters up a little to sit right in the cup? Well have you ever pulled one of them out too far? Hmm. At least it was only the Sitter who was here.

I'm going to Austin next week. As always, I am already getting anxious about the flight with the Kid. He's just all about running and playing these days. Not sure how to contain him for two and a half hours. I think I have decided that the next time we fly, I will plan for a layover.

Speaking of a highly, excitable kid....these past few days have been extremely trying on me. The whining and the tantrums. Wow. Draining, exhausting, frustrating. All at the same time. The fits of rage can be brought on by the smallest things. Like stickers. Especially, stickers touching stickers.

There is a pen cap laying on the floor. Sleepy Bear has a small, black stain on his corner. This means that somewhere around here there is a pen. Without a cap. Possibly leaking black ink on whatever it is touching. And I may never know where it is. I think somebody around here knows where it's at, but he's not talking. ***update - I just went to put that someone to bed. Found the pen. Stain damage to toddlers sheets - minimal.***

I think I'm ready to start "preparing" for "trying" for baby number two. Well, I know I am, but it's going to have to wait until the beginning of the year. It sort of requires two people...well most of the time. And I know that I need to just wait until this house and move thing is over and done with. I don't really want to deal with switching doctors part of the way through. Then researching hospitals from out here. Anyway, kind of getting excited about that.

Well have a great weekend. Hopefully, for most of you it is a 3 day holiday. I am more looking forward to seeing my husband next week. But will probably find time to take Nico to enjoy the sparklies in the sky!

How do you Title a post when you really aren't talking about anything interesting?

2009-06-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

Thank you for all of the informative comments regarding my horrible, border-line ICU, chest burn. I have been faithfully applying aloe vera and Mederma, while letting it air-out for the past day. Fingers crossed that this will heal like most of our forehead burns from curling irons did in the early 90's. If it doesn't, then I am moving to Prudhoe Bay, Alaska where it seems to be a constant Frigid so that I can wear turtlenecks all year round. As I told Sassy Britches, my only other option is to get a full chest, boob implant. You know, so know one is staring at the scar.

I'm taking this blog back to the old-school, it's so cool...woop, there it is. Since some of us have been struggling with keeping up with the blogs, yet we still don't want to give up...I have decided that I am going to K.I.S.S. I am going to post like a newbie blogger all over again!

So today, I got my hair done. And I almost fell asleep twice in the chair.

(please, there is no need to enlarge this photo to see that I need Botox on the wrinkle on my forehead. Seriously. Let's focus on the hair.)

And since some of my girls out there are as nosey as me, here are some updated pictures of the progress of the house.

(uhhhh, this. is. a. house.)

(that right there is the fancy toilet we will be installing in the powder room. I know huh, I thought it was perfect since it has no door. Facing the street guys, seriously???)

(this is the back living room window and patio. oh yeah, and an 8 foot high slab. can't say that was in the architectural design.)

(this will be the game room. nice view, but no window. so we are going to ask for a window in the top left spot.)

(apparently, Vito needed to show just how high up the slab made the house sit. However, my depth perception sucks.)

And there you have it. Just lame, old stuff that has no meaning. Which really coincides with about all of my other posts. As always, a big thanks to Blogger for making my life miserable tonight. Glad that they could join me for a few rounds while editing my HTML. Wouldn't be blogging if they didn't come along to F**K something up. But they have me by the short and curlies (as Vito would say, which is really gross, but still kind of applies) since I refuse to pay for my own web domain. Because...I don't roll like that. I like free shit that I can bitch about.

This is why I'm hot.

2009-06-28T17:55:00.000-07:00

Because as I was trying to grab a lemon out of boiling water, I squeezed it too hard and shot scalding water at my chest. (ha! doesn't that sound like the beginning of something good!) It dropped me to the floor in searing pain. But that damn artichoke was worth it!

My entire chest was flame red. Luckily, this is all that is left of the damage. It's now beginning to bubble and it just won't scab. Not sure what more to do except keep putting Neosporin on it.

I suppose for all of that excitement I could have included my bewbs in the picture. I mean clothed. I just could have let them make an appearance with the rest of my chest. Oh well. Now they may never have their moment in the spotlight.

You should really read this. And then give me a hug...Or at least hand me the wipes.

2009-06-26T03:30:00.000-07:00

So I may just be looking for a little attention. I have been void of it lately from the blogging world. I know, I've been missing giving it back. I'm just slammed with so much to do! Think of appeasing me as an early birthday present.

Here is a note of things I told myself I was going to write about...

So Not Mom-a-licious to me
show details 2:10 PM (6 hours ago) Reply

on my mind while at work

99 cent stores
Crap on shirt and laundry detergent
Burning roof of mouth.

Sounds mind-blowingly(is that grammatically correct?) interesting right?

Here is what I ended up posting on Facebook...

Here's a fun game to play...Guess where I'd rather be right now - work or home?Share
Today at 7:59pm Edit Note Delete

This is a copy of am email I just sent to some girls at work.

Dear Girls-

I thought you should know that even though I may not be there working with you. There are times when I really wish I was there instead of here.

As I was sitting here on the computer, Nico was screaming at me and I was telling him to stop screaming. He then just cried, I told him to talk like a big boy. He got down and went to drink from his cup. I then heard what sounded like him choking on his water. As I looked up, he turned to face me and threw up. Mid-air. He then proceeded to do it again. And while my carpet is stained with everything from juice to poptarts, ketchup to milk…well, god forbid I let it be stained with vomit. So what do I do in my panicked state of mind while he is STILL expelling today’s afternoon snack? Why I put him on the leather couch of course.

Don’t let anyone ever tell you that cleaning leather is easy. See the above picture of what my couch now looks like. (don’t worry it’s not gross)

Hope you are having a wonderful and magical evening.

Janah

Today might be the day I decide to not have any more children.

Luv-lee. I know there are worse out there. Catching it in your hands. Pulling their little shirts off their little bodies to make a shirt-bowl. Ugh. This was probably my first "worst" experience. I'm sure there are many, many more to come. I just wasn't expecting it today.

Now I am off to create a "plan of attack" so I can be more prepared next time.

What! It's worth a shot. (note to self - ~~steal~~ ~~borrow...eww~~ ask for a few barf bags while on the airplane next month)

*Update: Round 2 consisted of stripping the bed, wiping the bed railings down, wiping down the iPod sound station, cleaning the carpet, starting a load of gross towels/sheets/sleepy bear/blankets and letting the Kid sleep on the floor. How many rounds before it's considered a TKO?

*Update 2: Which consists of Round 3... I already give up. Every 3 hours on the third hour. I am tired and think that I should just sleep in his room on the floor with him. Now we are getting into the dry heaving. Who the hell wants to dry heave?! Water, juice, crackers...wants none of it. Mini-Popsicle perhaps? BTW, have you seen them? The mini's? They are so cute and small. I totally don't feel like a bad Mom letting him have one!

It can all change in one post.

2009-06-15T11:26:00.000-07:00

Everything.

In one post, which was my linky post, I lost all motivation to do anything having to do with blogs. I have been so insanely busy the last few weeks! I have even surprised myself by how much stuff I have gotten done, how little I am home and I great I have been feeling.

Started working out, lost 4 pounds in two weeks! Had Nico's birthday with family. A new cousin was born into the family last week. Spent the weekend with Dada. Fixed allllll of the things around the house that were making us want to take a match to it. Things that I don't even want to talk about because they are just too embarrassing. Got everything ready to go for Nico's birthday party this weekend. Kept up with work and even got all my hours in so I didn't have to work the weekend! WA-HOOOOO!!!!

I knew my blog was going to take a hit and suffer some because I have not been active in our little community. But it was a chance I had to take and just keep my fingers crossed that I would be able to win you all back with my charm. And some cute (and not so cute) pictures of my Kid.

All of the emails and comments, well I had all of the best intentions to respond. I've missed messing around on Twitter and trying to keep my crops alive on Facebook. But it is what it is. So much catching up to do. That's a quick summary of what has been going on around here.

Although, in all of my running around, I have yet to get my eyebrows waxed. That my friends, should be enough in itself to keep me secluded in my house. The brows are in bad shape. And I refuse to pluck my own eyebrows. Something about inflicting pain on myself. One pluck of one hair and I'm crying and begging myself to stop! So I give in to myself and stop. Give myself a pat on the back and say to myself "We'll try again next time." All the while I know that the next time I come at myself with a pair of tweezers I am going to kick my own ass. The funny thing is that my ass will never see it coming! I'm keeping it a secret from myself.

What kinds of things will you absolutely not do on your own? Could be anything like mow the yard, clean the pool, tattoo permanent makeup on your own lips. Stuff like that. I remember my mom being broke-as-a-joke, yet she would always get her nails done. We may not have had a Christmas tree, but she had hot, hooker nails.

For me, I will never do my own hair. Tried to use a box when I was 18 and it just wasn't worth it. However, I will make sure that there is always a Christmas tree.

Happy Birthday Kid!!!

2009-06-09T23:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Nico-

Wow how these last two years seemed to take forever to get to today. Yet, at the same time came way too soon.

I have been thinking about this letter for some time now. I knew it would be hard for me to write it without crying. Just because I love you so much and I have so much I want to say to you.

This past year for you has shown all of us so many milestones. You got the hang of that crawling thing and moved onto walking behind all of your push cars. Then you realized that you didn't need any of those and could walk all on your own. As for now, well you have managed to learn how far, how high and how fast those little legs of yours can take you! Son, may your legs continue to take you further and higher and through all of the adventures in your life.

This past year you became aware of your own voice. In so many ways. The inner and the outer voice. "Cracker" seemed to be your first and favorite after "Dada". Soon, everything was a cracker. But that was okay, I always seemed to know what you meant. The sign language you were learning helped you learn the words that followed. Every month that would go by, I could see you focus more on wanting to know what everything was called. Now, the learning process has gone from monthly, to daily and sometimes hourly. I love listening to you talk. It is such a comforting sound. And without fail, always makes me laugh with whatever word combination you come up with. Son, may your outer voice continue to bring joy, laughter and happiness to you and all of those who surround you.

While you were learning to use your sounds to make words, we encountered a few bumps along the way. Knowing what you wanted to say but not having the right words lead us to a large number of communication barriers, also known as tantrums. It was difficult for anyone involved. My heart would break for you because I could see (and most definitely hear) your frustrations. Trying to explain to an impatient toddler what exactly a minute meant was not easy. The ear piercing screeching you would make was used on many occasions as your tool to get me to realize what you were feeling. When you were tired, hungry, mad, angry, happy, scared or just about any emotion you didn't have a word for. Thankfully, we've both become more aware of how you express your feelings. You know how to tug at heart strings, get out of trouble and let it be known you are not happy, all by using those cute facial expressions. Son, may your inner voice continue to help you develop a strong sense of self. Don't ever run from it or try to hide it, it is there to help you be a better person.

Over this past year you have grown leaps and bounds. You have went from my needy, little baby boy to an active, little toddler. You have become self-teaching, like learning to use forks and spoons. You have become energetic and are always up for playing outside or taking a walk. You have become humorous, like when you know a tickle to the foot will make someone laugh. You have become independent, as I have learned by watching you let yourself in and out of the house. You know how to be productive and helpful. You have a sense of organization and order. While easily entertained by others, you are also easily engaged in activities by yourself. You have learned how to be a gentle sweetheart, but are always willing to wrestle around on the floor.

There is so much more to you that we have a lifetime to learn. I know that things may not always be bubbles and fruit snacks. But right now, this is who you are. And while moments may not always be picture perfect, they definitely are memorable. There are also moments that I hope my heart never forgets and my memory never erases.

You make me laugh and cry, sometimes all at once. You make me frustrated and elated. You can exhaust every fiber in me in one moment. Yet, when I need strength, it is from you that I get it.

You make me feel proud, hopeful, protective and encouraged. You never hold anything against me and easily forget my mistakes, even though I am not as reciprocative. Even through all of this learning and growing, doing things right and doing things wrong. The one thing that makes me the happiest is that we get to start each day together. Everyday, I get a chance to be a better mother to you. Each day for us is filled with so much potential. So not one day goes by that I am not happy, thankful or grateful to be able to wake up and have you as my son.

Here's to having a Happy Birthday and many, many more!

More Dear (_blank_) letters!

2009-06-01T21:37:00.000-07:00

These are my favorite to do because they always seem to apply to the random little things that happen at any given time in life. Now, I have decided that I want to include you all too. A lot of times I read my comments and I'm sitting there agreeing while shaking my head uncontrollably and saying "That's what I was thinking!"

So it always makes me smile when one of you is able to pick up what I'm putting down!

I am going to do a Mr. Linky whenever I do these posts so that you can write letters to the rest of society as well that we can all read. I'm not going to pick a specific day. We'll just do them on occasion. I don't want to take away from all the other "Picture this-and-that Day" or "Words, words, words, Day".

So please join, just so I don't feel like the only complainer out there!

Here's my story for the day:

Dear All Taco Shops, Chinese Restaurants, BBQ Places and fast food chain joints-

STOP pissing me off by NOT giving me enough sauces!!! Seriously, this is a HUGE point of contention in our household. We will drink your sauces by the gallons. So just assume that and don't ask us how many teeny-tiny almost microscopic cups we want. WE. WANT THEM. ALL!

And please don't act like you gave us 8, when we asked for 8 and then we get home and there are only 5! It really makes me want to throw my bag of deliciousness right back at you. Who in there right mind eats your food with out adding tons of yummy condiment goodness?

We want our SAUCES! There is no better way to say it.

When I order a burrito, a quesadilla or a beef tostada... I want at least 4 cups of hot sauce. That's just for me! (please notice I did say OR, not AND ALL)

When I order eggrolls, won ton noodles or sweet and sour chicken... I want at least 2 cups of sweet and sour sauce. And the husband would like to not have to ask for the hot mustard and chili paste. Soy sauce? No we're okay on that. That's the one thing you seem to be able to part with.

When I order the fish and chips combo... I want at least 2 cups of tartar sauce. And please stop forgetting the malt vinegar!

And for the Golden Arches... when you charge me 10 cents for the third dipping sauce, please don't forget to put it in the bag. That really irritates me!

What about when you have to beg for more oil and vinegar or pickles at Subway? Is there a pickle shortage? Have I used all the olives in the world on my pizza and now we can no longer make olive oil?

Come on! Doesn't that price include the extras for our meals? (As a sidenote, you will all be happy to know that tomorrow is my first of many training sessions to come! So I suppose I really won't need to worry much about sauces right?)

I really don't mind if the mail stops coming.

2009-05-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

Today, this is what I received in the mail. Two clothing magazines and some grocery store circulars.

What I want to ask is, which one of these do you think I will be buying this year's swimming suit out of? Go ahead...guess.

Tough call isn't it? ***heavy, deep, sigh***

Now on for the cute news...

Nico had his first Big Boy haircut last weekend. I didn't cry...okay yes I did. My husband thought I was a lunatic. I wasn't crying while it was happening, it all went down afterward.

It just kind of hit me that I wasn't going to be able to twirl his long locks during cuddle time anymore. Or when he is resting his head on my shoulder, there would be no running my fingers through his hair in comfort

*WAHHHHHHH* Alright, I'm over it now. It didn't take long, especially when I realized he had already turned into that little toddler boy I was trying to fend off. The hair, well it's just something all of us mothers don't want to let go of

He was such a good, little boy. I couldn't have been a prouder mother at that moment. Sometimes he's such a little rock star! And I must say, I absolutely love his hair now

(sorry about the bad picture quality. I'm not very good with the camera phone. And since it was a last minute thing, the phone was all I had)

I'm so irritated that there will be no title to this post!

2009-05-28T20:46:00.000-07:00

How is it possible that I can upload pictures to Photobucket the same way everytime. Download my special little embedding link and post that link on 3 different blogs and it never comes out the same on any of them?!

COME ON!!! I did my test page and it showed up!@ I do my main blog and they aren't there! WTF!!!!

Thank you. Please stay tuned. There may, or may not, be pictures of my adorable son.

kldsah idsahkdl;sa hedks;ajkl;ds jaklds;a (that's me swearing in Keystrokes)

I'm doing it again...

2009-05-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

I am heading off elsewhere for the day to play security guard for a blog friend. You know the kind of riff-raff that can hang out around the blog world.

Today you will find me at The Rambler's .

The Rambler asked me to guest post back in March. She was smart to give me a heads up because I can be a horrible procrastinator. So while it appears this isn't my first time, it was technically my first post. She also made me turn my homework in early.

If you are gracious enough to stop by, I need to let you know that the password to enter is Tegucigalpa. Teh-goo-c-gal-pah. That is correct. The capitol of Honduras, which has nothing to do with anything. Except that it is the only capitol city of all those in the world that my husband managed to memorize in high school. Yeah, he's smart like that. 1 capitol city.

Go on now. It might get rowdy over there, so bring your mall security badge!

There's more pictures than writing in this post, which might be a good thing.

2009-05-20T13:25:00.000-07:00

Well here it is. I am sitting here and the excitement is ready to burst from my chest!

The house has finally gotten started. It's been about 2 months of negotiating and 2 months of headaches. All of which has added on 2 months time to when I can get out there.

I can't believe it.

I may post pictures from time to time. Maybe you can all help me pick out furniture and paint colors. We could make our own little HGTV episode. An episode where one couple puts the fate of interior design into the hands of their blogging friends!

And I wouldn't be the least bit worried because I've seen how some of you have decorated!

Here's some pictures of the nursery I just finished for my sister-in-law. Well, finished enough for her shower. I still have lots of touch-up to do and I have to finish drawing the rest of the farm animals.

Yes, I forgot to paint ears on the sheep. I will get that done. The next time I get a chance to spend the day painting.

Now I have to get back to work and try to get some overtime to pay for all the stuff that I'm going to need for the house! These pop-tart covered couches just aren't going to cut it for me anymore.

I snuck out of my place today...

2009-05-18T10:14:00.000-07:00

I needed to take a break from this place of mine. So I snuck over to hang out at Screaming Mimi's.

I'd love it if you came by and visited with me for a little bit.

Oh and bring some chips and salsa and a large pizza with green olives, black olives and mushrooms. It's BYOB of course!

Don't forget to wipe your shoes when you come in, I don't know if we're really supposed to be inside. I never really got the "official" permission to let myself in.

Game On...with myself of course

2009-05-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

For about the past 3 weeks, I have been totally motivated to start working out...again.

It's not because I love the sport of exercising. Personally, I think that it takes wayyyyyy too much energy. And the heavy breathing, which is almost borderline snoring while being awake for me. On top of the profuse sweating, which only makes me bitch to my husband about not having a pool, is almost more than I can stand. However, it could be partly because I love wearing track suits and jogging pants that also can be used in lieu of pajamas.

Anyway, the sad thing (or maybe it's a good thing) is that this motivational mood to workout has been inspired by Nico. I mean honestly, this kid is literally obsessed with being outside. Actually, it's more than an obsession. "Ow-kide" is to Nico like "Blogging" is to Mommy. If we don't get to do it, then you get to deal with the sucky repercussions.

Believe me, I have heard it so many times - "Oh mine too." or "It's better then him watching TV all of the time." Uh, no and no.

When you say that your kid loves being or going outside, I'm sure you mean it. But within moderation for all involved. From the moment he gets a chance to look out a window, it's all I hear about until we actually get outside. The problem is not so much going outside or going for walks...it's the coming back inside that creates ear piercing shrieks that can be heard all the way to Timbuktoo. With the amount of time he is outside, it starts to add up and makes getting other things accomplished an even bigger task.

Plus, he has a better tan then me.

And just to address the "watching Tv thing". Well, sometimes I wish he wanted to watch TV just so I could get a break. That's so backwards. When my Kid is outside, it's a chore for me. When he's inside, that's when I can relax.

The whole point of this post....which turned into rambling about my son...was to say that now that I am into walking everyday, I need to get a good playlist going on my iPod.

What I need from YOU, is a jammin' playlist!!! I heart music big time. I listen to almost anything except:

death metal, trance crap, polka and super-old-school country (like from the 50's).

I need suggestions! What pushes you to keep going when you just feel like turning around and going home? You know what I mean. Those songs that you can't help car-dancing to when they come on the radio. I need those songs.

Start me out with a warm up, pump up, crank up and cool down. I'll take it all!

Hit me with your best shot! Fire away! I like that Boom Boom Pow! (See, two totally different genres and eras) I will say that I love Top 40 and hip-hop and Justin Timberlake and most one-hit wonder rappers and Jack Johnson type stuff and pop and alternative...mostly anything.

Now get on it! I've got some walking to do!

Welcome back to the daily grind

2009-05-11T11:46:00.000-07:00

Here is hoping your weekend went well.

It was hectic and busy for us, but very enjoyable. The husband was here for a few days. Him and the Kid had a great time together! I think they both needed it.

We took the boat out for Mother's Day. It was gorgeous out. About 83 degrees, but the water was still around 68. It was just nice to get our and do the things that we enjoy. Although, I am bummed that i didn't make an effort to take any pictures.

I have a winner (although after all those great comments, you are all winners in my book!) for the little give-away I had. Yay for Noah's Mommy at Project Mommyhood. I'll catch up with you via email for your info. I tried to do the screen capture of the webpage. For some reason, I just can't get it figured out.

Also, I am pleased to inform all of you that after rescheduling 3 times, I am finally going to go get my hair done. I am ready to do backflips! Hopefully, I come back looking all hot and what not~!

Just so you know, I always try to respond to all my comments. It's been busy thos past week so I wasn't very good about replying. I know I have some awards, and tags and things of that nature somewhere out there. I have recieved your emails about them. I just can't say for certain when I will be able to handle those. Seems like these posts keep getting shorter and my commenting around blogland less often.

But I will get my groove back! Here's to having a great Monday!

*update alert* I'm so glad to be a natural blonde again!

I don't know if I'm in denial, or just a daze of confusion

2009-05-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to feel overwhelmed. I know, some of you are probably playing the world's smallest violin for me right now. But I'm not trying to act like I'm the only one, I'm just trying to jump on the bandwagon!

I'd rather bitch with all my friends about what has us freaking out, then keep talking to myself about it over and over. Kind of makes me start going more crazy than I already feel.

Anyway, the husband is coming in tonight for a visit. And that should have me all excited. Well, that and the fact that this weekend is Mother's Day and I am going to cherish spending time with my two favorite boys. Fine Frank the Dog...you can be included too.

However, here are the things keeping me up at night...

-the constant, disastrous state of almost every room in my house, even after I have cleaned up!

-the stupid crap that always seems to happen to my computers, resulting in me always being behind with my work hours!

-all of this house crap that is happening 1300 miles away from me, that I have no control over, and feel like no one hears my voice about it and I'm about to blog about them using their company name! Not to mention, they are lagging and it looks as though instead of an August move in date, we are looking at October, which leads me to...

-I am so completely and utterly exhausted from playing the role of both parents. Having to do everything around here is really starting to weigh on me. Taking down the trash, picking up the poo, fixing screen doors, fixing sprinklers, changing light bulbs, cleaning outside furniture, cleaning both cars, driving both cars (or else the batteries will die, which means I have to jump start one of them, which I have already had to do), replacing caps from vents on top of the roof! All of these little things add up. Especially when Nico makes it hard to move beyond 5 feet from him.

-then there is the fact that Nico has become very attached to me. I can't blame him. ~~I am super cool~~ We are together an awful lot. But it just makes everything harder to do when he wants to be right on me.

***side-note of humor*** This morning we were giving kisses to each other and saying our "I Uv Ew's". I had turned around and he walked towards me and literally kissed my ass. I had to just kind of chuckle to myself. Well it was the left side of my ass more towards my leg. But still enough to make me think that FINALLY after all of these months somebody realized they needed to kiss my ass!

-and the topping on all of this "Fun-ness" is that I got two letters in the mail yesterday from the IRS. Apparently, the April Fool's joke I played on Dad-a-licious last year, is now not a joke this year. We are fricking being audited for the tax year of 2007. Which has to be one of the worst years ever. We sold a house, changed the rental to a primary, had my Mom live with us for 4 months, had a baby, invested in a company, worked, didn't work, blah, blah, blah. Do you think I have any idea where all the "receipts" to back up anything are? No, of course not. Because I thought I would never be audited. Because there is nothing very exciting or special about us more then any other person out there.

Stellar. Fabulous. Just plain lovely. And most of the time, I just want to crawl back into bed and under the covers. Why is that a real physical reaction? To just hide and want to close your eyes.

Anyway, on a brighter note!!! If you have read this far and to this point, I love you. No really. Not even and I "heart" you. Like I really have an appreciation for you. My readership has been low these past couple of weeks. So those that have commented lately, big thanks!

With that said, I decided that if you have made it this far I am going to have a little prize give-away. For that and we'll tie it into Mother's Day too. But you don't have to be a Mom to play. You just have had to get this far in this post to follow the instructions!

I am putting up for grabs a medium jar candle from Illuminations which sadly has just went out of business like last week). The scent is very strong and very floral, just so you are warned! It is star-gazer lily. Along with that, I am going to add with it a jar-topper thing. You put it on top so it looks like a little lamp. I am going to throw something else in. I just haven't decided what yet. I'll go shopping later today. But I'll keep it fun!

All you have to do is send me any un-used gift cards, gift certificates, vacation time, time-share property info, your baby-sitter (or nanny as they apparently preferred to be called these days),a big fluffy white robe and anything else that you may think might make me feel better!

Orrrrr, you could just leave a comment. Tell us a joke. Tell us a story. Tell me you're having a bottle of wine in my name. Or maybe you named a wine after me. I'll take just about comment. Let's anounce the winner on Monday, May 11th.

Here's to you finishing off your week better then I have!

Ahhh, today was not my Day

2009-05-05T19:35:00.000-07:00

I was lucky enough to have the afternoon off from being the human jungle gym.

If today were National Appreciate You Dog Day, I totally would give my dog a bone. Hours of endless torture sometimes. How does he not Rock?!

Even in this economy, apparently Hobo's have standards

2009-04-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

My life is only amusing while at Costco or on the way to daycare.

So after pushing around 100 pound shopping cart, I was famished. It's rare that I eat lunch. Especially at 11 AM. But really, who can beat a slice of pizza and a Coke from Costco? Well I can't. What makes it even better is that is cost me a total of $2.81. Yummy.

Now, while I was sitting there enjoying my delicious greasy-ness and high fructose corn syrup, I was kind of running through my head the things I still needed to do. So I was in a zone. But I did happen to catch this lady asking these two young guys at the other table for some change.

"Sorry, I left all my change up there." I guess he meant at the food counter.

I really didn't give it another thought. Until about 2 minutes later, when I realized how hungry I was and that I was most definitely going to finish this entire slice of pizza. That's when it hit me.

If she had came over and asked me for some change, I would have asked her what she wanted. Was she hungry? Thirsty? Both? I told myself that, knowing how hungry I was at that moment, I easily could have spared the few bucks to buy her some food.

(I will say that 99% of everyday, I never have cash on me. I don't know why really. And yes, I rely way too heavily on my debit card. The other day, I decided I wanted to have some cash on my person. Today was that day.)

Anyway, this shoeless, money-less, probably homeless lady came walking back by. I noticed she had a dollar in her hand. I knew that if she made her way back to my general area, that I was going to make sure she made eye contact with me. With the hope that maybe she would ask me for my spare change. I was sitting right next to the soda machine, which is where she ended up going. With a dollar, an 80 cent fountain drink was all she could afford.

But then something happened. This sweet, well dressed, very nice older woman approached her and handed her some money.

"Here. Go get yourself something to eat."

"No. No I can't really."

"Really, take it and get some food."

Then, something happened that made my mouth hit the ground.
Get ready for it....

The change begging, shoeless, foodless hobo said...

"No, I can't take it. I'm a vegetarian."

WHAT?! Folks, I was floored. So, someone is actually trying to help you, but all the sudden you're more concerned with the welfare of a chicken then you are with the state of your health.

I felt so bad for that older lady. I think she was embarrassed. She insisted that the hobo take the money...which of course she did. But I was a little unnerved. Then I was glad she didn't ask me, because I would have ended up having an argument with a hobo about what an unprofessional hobo she was and didn't she just know better to just take the money. Especially when it's from a sweet little lady. Duh.

Am I the only one to be shocked by this? I mean, am I wrong for finding it odd that after beggin for change, she had a strict standard on what she wanted to buy?

P.S. From the signs of her twitching hands, I'm sure she wasn't a vegetarian. She had bigger demons to deal with aside from eating meat.

P.P.S. With the amount of cash I had on me today, I totally could have fed a classroom of hobos. As long as they got the $1.59 hot dog & drink deal. But how awesome would that have been to throw a Costco party for hobos? I know, that's what I was thinking!

I am so Hood.

2009-04-27T19:48:00.000-07:00

Okay not really. But I do know what is required if I wanted to be.

A Pimp-a-licious name.

That's what I said yo! I found this website where you can get your "pimp handle". You know you want one. All the cool G's are doing it.

My first one was Crazy Eyes Mom-a-licious G. But it didn't sit well with me. Crazy Eyes, not so much. Just plain crazy? Probably more believable. So I pimpafied it again and came up with Master Pimp Mom-a-licious Silk. Now that my friends, is Pimp. Master Pimp.

Of course, this website offers more than Pimpafying your name. You can also order your pimp cup, pimp teeth and pimp belt buckles or knuckles. All blinged out or iced-out.

Holla.

And I for-shizzle need one of these two things. Preferably the buckle. Hawt! Oh wait.... Pimp.

There you have it my Pimps and Ho's. Be a real Baller.

I don't even want to see what google analytics has for me after this post! Speaking of. I found this odd and am not sure how this is even possible. There was a keyword search of "Licious + Gangsta" that I noticed on my tracker the other day. And look at the what comes up when you type those together

The third entry down is me. That's cool. Until you read the second line of the entry.

"A Tale of Glue, Gangstas and Grossness." WTF?!

(Sorry, you'll have to click on the image to see it, I have not yet mastered the art of screen capturing yet.)

I will say that a tale of glue, gangstas and grossness sounds very interesting. And is probably a stellar story, but.... I've never typed those words onto my blog ever. So how in the name of blogging is that possible? Did someone hijack my blog when I wasn't looking? And if so, can someone please tell me how those 3 things all go together?

I obviously didn't get to read this gagsta-licious tale and am dying to know how it turned out. Knowing my luck, it was probably the next Twilight novel and could've made me famous.

Dear (insert person, place or thing here) letters

2009-04-26T11:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Post Master General-

I think you should seriously consider investing in some electric cars, or at least hybrids, with some of that forever stamp money. I'm really sick of hearing my mailman stop and restart the little postal truck at each and every. single. house. Or maybe you could convince him to walk every couple of blocks or so. Seriously? Every single house?

Dear Gerber, Playtex, The First Years, Munchkin and Nuby-

I have just about had it with investing trillions of my dollars into finding just ONE sippy cup that is truly spill-proof. I can not possibly be the only mother with a toddler who chucks his cups all over the free world. I have tried, literally, ever cup out there and it is very apparent by looking at my carpet. Straws, no straws, spouts, holes....nothing. They all leak somewhere. Please mail me my refund checks to the email address attached to this blog. I will now be investing those dollars into small shot glasses for him to drink out of. (Or are they really for me? heehee)

Dear Cutey-Patootey, Tater Tot, Apple of my Eye...my Son-

I love your enthusiasm for adventure and your willingness to put fear aside while tumbling off the couch, standing on the edge of the steps and sticking your fingers in the dog's nose. However, I would like to clear up something. While they may look like the easy route to the top of the couch, the "belly-to-boobs-to-shoulders" really creates extra work for you. Even though they appear to look like steps, they in fact are like layers of different sized marbles. Haven't you ever noticed how bad your feet slide down and you can't get any traction? Try the alternate route, just take the couch arms to the top...way easier.

Dear Belly-to-Boobs general area-

While some may use you as a stepping stool, or jungle gym, you look more like a bag of marbles. Which means that no one should really be able to walk on you to begin with. Ever seen those cartoons where one character dumps a bag of marbles so the other character slips and falls? Well, dear B2B mid-section, you are creating the slip and fall for the rest of this vessel I call my body. So let's pick up the marbles and put them back in a jar where they belong. Or maybe I just need to stop eating marbles.

Signed with Concern,
>

I've missed this, really really missed this

2009-04-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

Welcome back everyone! Wow, two weeks feels like a lifetime. Talk about story overload. This could be that post where I lose most all of you just from too much talking. I honestly don't know where to start.

Here are some Easter pics. I tagged most of them, but it appears that it's not showing up. A quick run-down - Nico with Daddy coloring eggs. Nico picking up Easter eggs (way too slow for my liking). His first toddler crush with the little girl down the street, along with him having to stand next to her in the group shot. And the cousins at the train in the park. Enjoy.

Now, I know that I had not planned on posting so many pictures about my son on this particular blog. But, as most of you probably know, this age is absolutely amazing. The difference in the Kid from 6 months ago to now. Hell, even from 3 months ago! Even over these past two weeks! I am noticing his desire to learn things from me daily. So everyday we pick 2 words to learn. Of course, it never takes long. Squirrel and stroller were the words for today.

With that out of the way. I still really don't know what to talk about. I have totally missed blogging, but I didn't take my laptop with me and for some reason, I am just not good at posting unless it is from my own laptop. Plus, I didn't take it because I knew I would be too tempted to work, and I knew I would not be able to keep up with all that was going on. So I left it at home.

I will say these few things:

- Can we say 628 posts in my Reader? In two weeks?! Well, at least everyone else out there has a life to write about.

- I have come to the conclusion that when people say they want you to stay with them, and they get upset with you when you don't, and then the next time you decide to stay with them, that they really want you there and don't mind as long as you follow their rules.

- I am apparently not a good house guest. Please see above point. What happened to making people feel comfortable in your home? Family or not?

- I am also not a good airline traveler. I just suck when I do it by myself. Between the Kid, the car seat and my over-full bag, I just can't manage. Yet, I refuse to not bring the car seat onto the plane. He's so used to knowing that he must sit in it, it makes flying easier. But getting it down the concourse and into a seat...almost nearly impossible for me. I was lucky on the way back because I had a good number (Southwest style baby!) and the Kid was willing to walk in front of me. I usually have to carry him in one arm and the car seat slung over my back. Then get onto the plane with the hope that an airline attendant will help me with the seat. Yeah, it's a royal pain in the ass.

- I Twittered something the other week. And since my Twitter and Facebook are connected most everyone saw it. Well my Facebook peeps. It was really only meant for one person. And she has neither Twitter or Facebook accounts. But it was pretty much true, in regards to her. She never pays attention when I am around and then when she knows I'm going to be gone acts like it really matters. And then still nothing. So what was with all the faux emotion?

-It's official. I will be moving to Austin the end of this summer. There. I said it. I have been holding back because I haven't told my work yet. And some of my work friends could easily see this via the whole Facebook phenom. So if you are from work (like my supervisor), please don't tell work. Ha! I plan on giving you plenty of notice. Unless maybe we can swing a deal where I work from there...that would be awesome. Things are going to be crazy the next few months. I want to show pictures of the house, but I also don't want to seem pretentious. And aside from me, I don't really know who would care. Although, also like me, if you are totally nosey then you would care. I am nosey, that's probably why I care.

I'm going to end on that note. I still have two suitcases waiting to be unpacked and I got in yesterday afternoon. Dang, I hate laundry.

Out to Lunch

2009-04-10T12:34:00.000-07:00

Actually, we are on vacation. Spending time with the family for Easter. See you soon! Hopefully soon, the Husband is taking me away for the evening for a nice dinner and to stay at a hotel, sans the Kid!!! And check-out isn't until noon! So you know what I will be doing...SLEEPING IN!!! Have a Happy Easter!

Well, I'm spent.

2009-04-02T07:14:00.001-07:00

That was fun. At least for me! I hope I didn't frazzle too many nerves.

The car is safe and sound and I even managed to drive it around town throughout the day.

(update: I did really lose my keys a couple months ago. But I have my safety deposit keys, so don't worry!)

April Fool's.

April 1st has to be one of my favorite's to participate in. Usually, it is at my husband's expense. And every year he always falls for what I am saying. I don't know if that means he is easily convinced, or that I am a great liar. Or is it better to say a "convincing" liar? Hmmmmm.....

As I told a few of you yesterday, my prank on him last year was to tell him him that I got a letter in the mail from the IRS and that we were going to be audited. He didn't respond like I thought he would though. I thought he would be nervous about it, which if it were true, I would have been sick to my stomach. Who wants to go through that?! But he was livid!

It was F- this and F- that. This is B.S.! Blah blah blah. I think he was so pissed because, out here, income taxes are due the same time as property taxes. Ouch! But I did get a little smile knowing I had yet pulled it off again.

Speaking of taxes.... As of yesterday, the state sales tax went up here in California. So now in the city I live in, which also increased the city sales tax on top of that, the sales tax total I have to pay when shopping is almost TEN percent! Is that legal? It's at 9.75%. The neighboring city is 9.5%. The city on the other side of the was 7.75%, but I'm guessing is probably now at 8.75%. Yep, I go shopping where it's the cheapest. I know that's not what 'm supposed to do, but this city's budget has been screwed up for about 16 years.

It was around 4 or 5 years ago when the city raised the tax because they were in debt so bad. That increase was only supposed to last for a year. Then it was "only" to last for 2 years. Here we are today.....

It just means that I can't shop online anymore. I would much rather drive a few miles into the other town then spend 10 percent in sales tax. Or maybe I will just have to stop shopping. Thank goodness my car never really disappeared! That is not a sales tax I would want to spend again!

Have a great day!

Ain't that a bitch.

2009-04-01T06:30:00.000-07:00

Let's just dive right in....

In February, the husband went out of town to work. Well, I happened to notice about two days later my car keys were no where to be found. I have a set and then there is the spare, which he normally uses. And my set is usually always in my purse. Harder to lose them if you always put them back in the same spot.

Well I made a modest attempt to look for them and finally asked if he had seen them. I could swear he used them last. And the odd thing is that, neither one of us likes using the others set. He says he didn't use them. Of course he also hadn't seen them in his things he took with him.

Fast forward weeks, maybe even a month. I still kept looking for those damn keys. I have never, ever lost my keys. Ev-er. Part of why I think he lost them.

That was until yesterday morning. Oh no, the keys didn't just appear out of nowhere. My car seems to have disappeared to somewhere. Other than my driveway.

Fab. And it only gets better.

No the car wasn't repo'd. It's been paid off for a year. And there is no broken glass to be found. Which can only mean, someone used MY keys to start my big beast.

Which leads me to my next problem. That someone has to know me or have been around me for a evening or two. I'm thinking that maybe they riffled through my bag and took them. Even though I am a homebody, the husband and I do usually hang out with friends and family on the weekends. Most get-togethers are a conglomerate of people who know people who work for people. There's is always somebody new. I suppose it could have been that crazy night at the casino!

When I realized that someone had my set of keys, I knew they also had my safety deposit box key. Yep. And if they took the keys out of my bag, then they also know who I bank with. A checkbook next to a set of keys isn't hard to read. The great thing about the safety deposit box key....the box number is engraved on the key. And in the many years I have had that box, they have never once asked for ID.

What is stored in that safety deposit box? I would love to be able to say all of my millions in cash and baubles. No, just the PINK SLIP to my car, our passports, all of our birth certificates and social security cards. You know, the stuff that basically proves you are who you are. Oh, and all of mine and the Kid's savings bonds.

Or should I say that was what was in that box? I went down to the bank and it's all gone.

Makes for a rough middle of the week.

Sometimes you should just look the other way.

2009-03-30T22:44:00.000-07:00

I know I was going to update on the C.C.L. At this point, I know you all were done with her the first time around. And now I am done too.

However, here is a very brief synopsis of what the hell went down. I did have a video I was going to post but A) do we ever really watch those? and B) it had my son yelling for me in the background (classy) and the pizza guy pulling up (healthy). So I figured I was going to try and uphold some decency of myself, and the only way to do that was act like I never took the video. Because then that would mean that I have no life. Especially if I am always around when she is.

She is not a Crazy Cat Lady. She is a Very Odd Cat Stalker. For a handful of nights, I caught her in front of the house (oh yeah, and in my driveway 2 times) staring and chasing this damn stray cat. I had enough! The next morning she was at it again on the corner. I finally "grew a sack" as my lovely Julia put it, and asked her nicely, WTH was going on.

So what it all comes down to is this....who the hell knows! During the conversation, it was apparent that there was a very intense and odd desire for this cat she had taken a liking to. She went on to tell me she named him Sysko? Cisco? Sisko? And I about had to strangulate her with my window, when I felt like she leaned in too far to talk to my son. Yeah, I know, I said I wasn't judgemental. I'm not, I just didn't want creepiness to make it's mark on my little precious. (That's from a movie and if you name it I migh give you a prize.) Plus he wasn't smiling. And this Kid doesn't ever not smile at strangers. So, I said "Ok gotta go to school." I did find out that, Old Smokey next door, is not okay with C.C.S. hanging out at all hours of the night (um, we counted 11 PM, midnight and 1:30 AM... all on different days - not cool!!!). The neighbors across the street are now on the lookout for her also. But I think she got the picture.

That whole story was set up to be way more interesting, but I have no idea where it went the other night as I typed it. To a Blog-cemetery I suppose.

Now, here is the rest of some random things that have really chapped my hide lately:

--- I can't stand my blog anymore. Well, maybe not my blog so much as my brain. So much funny shit happens and then I start to write it, and it sounds ridiculous. I might as well let my 5 year old niece write a column! I'm not sure if it's all the things that I have going on around here. Or just the simple fact that...I have realized I am not entertaining. (ding ding ding, we have a winner!) Speaking of blogs, I think I may have gotten kicked out of the secret society! I don't even know what it is, but I can't seem to get a response from those who are in my "wagon". You know who you are!

--- My pregnancy mask is coming back!!! And I'm not even pregnant! I got is SO BAD with Nico. I mean bad. Of course, most people were understanding. Then, there was my asshole Dad. As if feeling like a blimp wasn't bad enough, then he had to go and say "What's wrong with your face?" Seriously? You could say that to your daughter after she lost her first baby and now here we are at this lavish baby shower in front of a hundred guests and you are the soon-to-be-Grandpa (who was devestated the first time also) and that's the lasting impression you want to make? Nice. Back to the mask. It's only on my forehead. So it's probably sun damage from all of our years being on the boat. Damn boat.

--- I don't have a hair appointment until April 20th. Ridiculous? I know! Inexcusable? I know! I had to reschedule my last one and since my girl has shortened her work week to only 3 days, she is tight on space and time! Well, we kept missing phone calls and all that is left to say is April 20th. Roots, the size of tree trunks. Split ends, that look like the Grand Canyon. April 20th... ELEVEN weeks after the last time I got my hair done. No one in their right mind should ever wait that long. Don't even get me started on my fricking eyebrows, chin and "upper lip" (aka. moustache)!

Well, there is much more where that came from. It seems like anymore it's almost easier for me to post random things than to post a story. I guess my daily life is made up of more randomness than one great story. Ha! Isn't that true for all of us!

P.S. I am kind of done coming up with witty or catchy blog titles. So, I decided I am just going to write anything up there and see what happens. And maybe tonight's title just meant that this wasn't a post worth reading. However, I have put this out there before, but if you ever want to ask a question, obviously I will answer. Because I apparently have no shame or boundaries.

Does it have to make sense?

2009-03-27T18:11:00.000-07:00

Gorgeous weather this week! Random elsewhere in the country. And it doesn't look any fun!

Anyway, all this good, fun sunny sunshine-ness has had us outside quite often. Of course, me walking out the front or back door automatically sets me up for some kind of adventure. Lucky for you, I have two.

The back yard. All I really have to say about this is... I decided that if I were to somehow ever become, a very large, flying grasshopper. I can make a promise that I will never fly directly into your full, head of hair and make you scream like a lunatic, scaring your child, while that child watches you flail (a lot of that has been going on lately) your arms in ways never witnessed, as you try to rip out the hair you replaced after you ripped it out from the Kid's screaming, and still end up in a tangled mess. Resulting in shredding your hair for any grasp of me, as I am a large grasshopper, so that you can so lovingly set. me. free. If I am this grasshopper I will try to realize that I have a quarter of an acre to freely roam, fly duck and dodge any object in my way. So I will almost definitely try to freak out the local gnats and flies without disturbing your daily outing.

But that is how I would roll if I were a gigantic grasshopper. Apparently, the ones in my yard do not have that same consideration. Suck it, I hate bugs. And how do you keep that from your 2 year old son, who thinks that anything that moves, crawls or rolls is cool?!?!

UPDATE: Have I ever sai dhow much I hate Blogger? I had an entire second part to this (remember I said I had two things?)...well where the hell is the second part?! And it's too late and I am too tired to complete it. So, we will discuss the other part later. Can someone please remind me by Monday to tell you WTH happened with the Crazy Cat Lady? Thank you.

Be on the Look-Out for...

2009-03-22T11:07:00.000-07:00

My eardrums. Because at this point they are of no use to me. There is just a constant ringing in there. Which happens to be the result of the Kid screaming at me for his every little want and need. He apparently has forgotten that he has words he can use.

My hair. In one whole piece. It will probably be somewhere in between my driveway and Costco. It will be the result of me wrestling the Kid to get him into the car seat. This will be an almost 5 minute ordeal resulting in me sweating profusely, giving him an arm bar just to keep him pinned down and then me contemplating going back into the house where it's now nice and quiet.

Me, at Costco. I will be the one who is cradling herself in her shopping cart chanting "Make it stop. make it stop." By this point it might just be from all the screaming I keep hearing in my head that has passed through the ringing in my ears. Oh. Wait....my mistake, that actually IS screaming. Yes, from the Kid that I didn't leave in the car. (Although, it is a nice, cool, overcast, rainy day....)

The Kid. He will probably be the last one left in the box. The cute one with the big, blue eyes. Sitting there wagging his little bootie. Just begging someone to play "ow-kide" with him. Sucking you in with his cuteness and adorable little toddler talk. The sign on the box will say "Free to good home", because you can't put a price on this one anyway. He will even come with his own trendy, goody bag, pre-filled with all he needs for a couple of days. Maybe even a car seat. Act fast, because this one won't last and supplies are limited!

*sigh* I'm allowed to fantasize, right?

Is this the End of the World?

2009-03-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

Because it feels like it! I am freaking out! I may even be hyperventilating a little bit. And I am about ready to throw up. I'm sweating like a 53 year old with hot flashes.

What is going on? I'm starting to get the shakes. I'm fidgeting like 4 year old doing the Pee-Pee dance. I think I might be breaking out in hives a little from the stress.

This can't be good. Only one of two things could be happening right now. And neither one is a good sign. Is this what hell feels like? (update: see below as to what all the drama is about. I am not losing my mind for no reason. Although sometimes it seems that way.)

I can not get my Google Reader to open. So either my laptop is getting another cold. Or something is screwed up with Google. I have a bad feeling that it isn't Google's fault.

By the way, has anyone seen the Domino's commercials with their delicious looking oven baked sandwiches. Mmmmmmm...yummy. I wonder if that's what heaven tastes like. Baked cheese. What could be better. I still have yet to open that damn bag of cheese. Ugh!

Speaking of cheese. I have been without shaving cream for almost a month now. I know, I know! You're probably doing the math in your head right now...yep, it was 10 bucks for a 5 pound bag of cheese that Mr. So Not had to have. And now, I have to figure out what the hell to do with it!

Anyway, I am leaving you with some pictures of the Kid. Yesterday, he made me have a Mommy moment when I realized that he has really changed over the past two months. Normally, I peel and cut up the apples for him. Well, he was very adamant about eating this all on his own. Everyday is something new. I am definitely taking advantage of any baby moments he has anymore, which actually is very few.

P.S. Thanks you guys for all of your nice comments on Monday's post. I really appreciate it and the time you took to read and listen. Big hugs back at ya!

Also, thanks for following this blog and all of it's nonsense! Welcome to all of my followers 1 thru 114! I think that's what it's at now. (Not all show up under the follow widget)

What am I Thinking about?!

2009-03-18T09:31:00.000-07:00

I don't understand first of all why I am watching Yanni Voices on PBS. Random.

I am unclear as to why I can rant like a lunatic about how I need a break from my son, even if it's to do something small like get groceries. Yet, after the first couple hours , when the quietness sets in, I start thinking to myself all the things we would be doing at that moment, or what he would be saying, or if he would be throwing a tantrum, how I would handle that tantrum. Basically, I miss him and would go pick him up if Nana told me to. I must be a glutton for punishment.

Along the same lines, when there is nothing on tv, is there any particular reason that I turn on Noggin? I mean seriously! I am so totally fed up with the same Thomas the Train Episode that I am almost ready to rip the tv off the wall...almost. But it's like I feel as if I know what to expect when I turn on those channels. Plus it makes me miss him a little less.

Of all of the things I could eat on my own (including anything involving cheese) tonight - like pizza, or a big fat carne asada burrito with meat, cheese and American guac only, or a burger and fries - I had some Tomato Basil Bisque and saltines. It was good, just not what I would have loved to mack down on without having ten small little sticky fingers in the middle of my mouth.
Speaking of saltines. They had this slight smell and taste of bubble gum. But I still ate them anyway. Interesting.

Since, I am talking about food still. I opened a can of pears the other day and to my amazement, I fell under that .05 percent USDA statistic about letting bugs pass through the line. Yep, he was a small gnat, but there is was sitting on my pear. Would it be wrong to say that I did not throw out the can, just that one piece of pear? I'm sure I have had much worse in, on or around my food.

I have totally been contemplating going to the Blogher convention. I think it would be fun and awesome and I may just learn a thing or two. And I love Chicago! Kind of hard not to when I am home, grown Illinoisan. Good ol' Freeport Illinois. Home of one of the biggest Lincoln vs. Douglas debates. I don't know, that was something they drilled into my head in middle school when we lived there.

Back to the convention... I totally want to go, even though I could probably spend that money on something else just as awesome. But you want to know what is holding me back? I fricking snore! Who the hell is going to want to share a room with that?! Not too mention that a blog post would probably be written about it. Possibly with some incriminating video. Just embarrassing. 2 years ago I didn't snore!

Have to go! My son just ripped one of my keys off the keyboard.

My Life 3 years ago

2009-03-17T02:38:00.000-07:00

So this is one day late. But I couldn't bring myself to do it yesterday. And if you don't like long posts, don't waste your time. This is long. Seriously. Long and personal. And if you are looking for something happy and cheery, well this probably isn'treally what you need today. But it's what I need to do.

3 years ago, I endured the most, absolute devastating day in my entire life. And it probably will remain as such for a long time.

It was the day that my husband and I will not ever forget. It was the day that unfortunately led to my self demise. It was a day that changed my person, my being, my soul and everything that was hopeful and good about me.

It was the day that my husband and I lost our first son.

I'd like to think that I was and always have been a very strong and determined force of nature. I have emotions, a sense of appreciation, compassion and a little dash of thoughtfulness....when I can remember. All that really means, is that for all of my "adult" life, I really kept a lid on things. I tried to be in control of my behaviors and my actions.

Laugh, but not too much. Smile, but keep it genuine. Cry..well, no don't cry. My Mother is a "cryer". The absolute worst kind. Yes, that kind. The one where you just want to shake her and say "Woman, get a hold of yourself, it was just a cake!@"

Because of this, and the negativity that it created in my Father, my sister and I ended up being almost close to emotionless. Which is pretty sad. It was actually the sadness that we lacked.

I guess my point is that, for such a long time I almost took pride in the fact that rarely was a tear shed for anything tragic or eventful. I mean, what was the point? I didn't want to be weak. Like my Mother. She was weak.

I got upset and felt upset. I knew what it was like to be sad. It just wasn't an emotion I knew how to "display".

Until the day came when we had to be told that our baby was too sick to live. And how the hell do you deal with that? Well, unfortunately, I dealt with it the only way I knew how. I told my husband I was sad, but laid there like a "trooper" I suppose. He kept telling me (through tears of his own), that it was okay to be upset. That I needed to know it was okay. A few tears may have slipped out. Nothing more.

I just couldn't let myself do what it was I knew I should be doing. Which was dealing with the situation on a real emotional level. I almost felt like someone in the relationship needed to be the crutch. And since I had always played that role, I bucked up and tried to be the strong one.

Let's preface this by saying that, the day before, my baby's bedroom furniture was delivered. No one in our family new what was going on. Everyone was excited we had finally made some choices in a theme and what not. Now we had to call all of them and tell them what was going to happen.

We have lots of family and friends. Of all of them, only 2 offered to be there. Ouch. But not something I was sensitive to because I had always had to push my way through emotional pain. For my husband however, I'm sure it was heartbreaking. My best friend showed up and, as much as we thought we wanted no one there, I'm glad she came.

I obviously don't need to go into the details of the event. I just remember waking up and feeling like I had disappointed my husband. I had lost for him, the one thing he was so excited to have. His son. And he himself thought that he lost the only son he would ever have.

Weeks turned into months. And for me, nothing got better. Nothing. I was left with too much time to start wondering if I could have changed things, if I could have done something different. There was too much time to think about what might have been.

I wandered all too often into the nursery. Which had been set up by the furniture movers. We didn't have the heart to tell them it was pointless. Like it was their feelings we should be worried about. So we let them set it up. And I would stand in that room for hours just looking out the window. Morning, noon and night. Because that's all I had. Was time.

And it was the one thing I wanted to go away. I didn't want the time. I hated it. I hated the time, the days, the weeks. I hated everything.

And sadly enough, I couldn't control my thoughts or feelings.

I could suppress them when people where around, or when I was on the phone. But I couldn't control them. Soon enough, they consumed me and I wanted to do almost anything to get rid of them.

I wanted a be a ba-zillion-aire and buy a time machine. It was killing me not to be able to turn back the clock. I started questioning all of my decisions while I had been pregnant. And then I was questioning all of my medical care and medical decisions. I just couldn't move on.

I couldn't deal or cope with my lose. And, no one could deal with me. I hated everyone and everything. Hate is a strong word that I never use. Except two times in my life. And I hated my life. I was silently screaming for help. But it never came.

I ended up pushing literally every single person I know away from me. Including my husband. Who was nothing but scared for me and my life. I absolutely did not give a fuck. Period.

After two weeks, do you think anyone called, or emailed, or asked? Nope. Including family. And yet, there were some family who never said sorry to begin with! So I had a lot of issues to deal with. And I didn't want to deal with them do I ended up going on a 6 month drinking binge.

It was glorious. If you're into drinking yourself into a black hole. And then puking for days on end. Missing work half of the week. Never meeting up with any friends. Staying holed up in your house because you have already almost physically accosted a family member and are now embarrassed to be seen anywhere. If you like making your husband feel like he is on suicide watch 24/7....6 months straight. Lying to therapists and counselors. Trying to get people to literally run you off the road, or vice versa. Just so you could beat the shit out of them.

Because since no one else seemed to care about me, why should I give a fuck about anyone else?!

Let me fast forward now. It was obvious I needed help and healing. Of which I received. It wasn't easy and it didn't happen right away. But it was there, and I took it. I had to, the only other option was self destruction.

And then I became pregnant again.

Now. I was scared. About everything. Moving, breathing, talking, feeling anxious. I did not want to mess this one up. (And no, it wasn't my fault the first baby was very sick, but you can not ever convince any pregnant woman that it wasn't her fault. No counseling will ever change that.)

And yet, I still struggled. It was bittersweet. This baby was not supposed to be my "first". Yet, I loved being reassured about him every time we had a chance. (Which BTW was a lot because I made SURE to get any screening done possible!!!) I felt like I wanted a girl because I was afraid if it were a boy, that maybe somehow we would be disappointed again.

I will yet fast forward some more. I had a wonderful pregnancy. A great medical staff! And very loving and supportive friends and family. Even though they all really do not know what I went through (they would know if they read this blog, but they don't, so you all might as well be besties too!) Things went smoothly. Well, except for the emergency C-section because his cord was wrapped around his ankles. But they got it!~

So here I sit today. Some people will say that you never forget the lose of a loved one. Some women can not believe that it is possible to ever let go of the pain. Some people think that you should treasure the kids you have, or the next child you have as if they are a saint. I don't really know what to say about any of that. I've gone through it and yet here I am.

Nico was conceived approximately 6 1/2 months later. And when I say he was my saving grace, I am absolutely not lying. After the first loss, I would stare out the window for hours on end. And when I say hours, I don't mean 2 or 3. I mean hours. From like 9 until 4. Hours. We had this gorgeous view of the city we lived in. Yet, we were far enough out that you could see a ton of stars. That is when I began wishing on stars. I didn't always see a lot. But I saw at least a couple a week. And I wished on them. From everything like hope, love, compassion, understanding to healing, saving, self worth and promise.

So when I found out I was pregnant again. I knew I had wished on the right star. Even after Nico was born, during all the trying periods of infancy and toddlerhood, I have always looked out the window when I am in need of solace. And it seems as though every time I do that, I see a shooting star. Corny I know. But it's true.

And I believe in signs. And because I have seen a shooting star every time I am in need, that is what has helped me believe even more that my beautiful son - no matter how ornery, cranky, temperamental, frustrating he can be - he is that wish that I placed upon those stars. He is my shooting star. He is my shining star. He honestly saved me from myself.

Life will always be more than we expect it to be. And not always in the order and way we want. I don't want to keep saying bittersweet. But it's true. There is life and love and there is death and hatred. Not everyone understands that.

Believe me, I don't expect anyone to know what me and Vito went through. Nor, do I expect to have everyone sympathize or empathize with me.

That's not the point of this. I have moved on. We have moved on. You have to. I know this firsthand. If I had not decided to embrace having another son, I would have ruined him too.

Today and tonight was very difficult on me. This morning I was very aggravated and irritated. Towards my baby boy. The son I do have. Someone should have kicked my ass. On the way to work, I was absolutely crushed. In so many ways. I hated how I handled myself this morning, yet I was upset because I did not give myself the time I needed to be sad. So I ended up rolling into work with no make up on and a raging headache. I left for work WITH make up and no headache.

I will sum this up now. Seriously this time.

Things change. They always change. Everything changes. 3 years ago, no one in this world could have convinced me that I would ever be okay. It's not that it's okay, but things have changed. I have had to change. If I didn't, then I would not deserve to be the great mother that I am to my son. He is not here to carry my burdens, my weaknesses, my sadness. He is here because he was made out of love, hope and possibility.

So on this day, while I was sad about my past and everything that has gone on, I sat on my couch and stared at my sleeping future. The one that is on front of me, begging me for help, showering me with love and wanting nothing more than to see me smile.

Thank you Baby D. and I love you Nico!

I Heart this Beaver!

2009-03-14T14:59:00.000-07:00

Today is my little sister's 30th birthday. And I want to cry. For one, because that means that I am not 30. For seconds, because I really should stop calling her my "little" sister. For last-lys, because I can't be with her to celebrate it with her.

And that sucks cow dung.

My sister, Leah (yes, like as in Princess Lea from Star Wars, but not whom she was named after) is a very thoughtful, giving and loving person. She always makes sure to remember anything that is important to me. She was there for my 30th birthday. She's been around for all major holidays for the Kid. She visits her old neighbor lady everyday. (That is way more than I do for my neighbors huh?)

She definitely lives life by the Golden Rule. And even though she understands that things are increasingly chaotic around here, it doesn't mean I don't feel like a crappy person for not being there for her.

So this is just a little "Let's Get Dirty, Leah's Thirty!" post for my Sissy. Okay, so she isn't that wild and crazy, but that's mainly because I'm not with her to force major amounts of booze down her throat and make her stay up past 11:00 on a Saturday night!

Now for a video montage. (yes, I was fatter than I am now. so what. this is about her, not me. I think.)

Please feel free to wish her a fantastic birthday because I will be forcing her to look at this. And I did purposely put in pictures that may not be "perfect", but that's because I'm the older one and I have to keep her in check somehow!

This is Cheese-tastic!

2009-03-12T13:57:00.000-07:00

So, I was sitting here childless for the day. Wondering what to do with my extra time, which isn't all that extra because you still use it to do something totally not fun or worthless. I guess that means it's not extra time then.

So, I was sitting here childless for the day. Wondering how to motivate myself to do the things that need to be done around here in the next few hours I have without interruption. (That's way better.)

My options are the usual...

Laundry - that's so "clean jeans worn two days in a row" boring. Plus they have that lived in look.

Clean - Oh! Now there's a new one that I never thought of. I mean how can I possibly miss the mounds of dog hair on the floor. Dammit! That dog is still here?!

Work - *sigh* Everything I do anymore is work.

Well, I made the best choice in my mind for the moment. I decided to make a quesadilla. I know. Doesn't that make the most sense? Sometimes... I really amaze myself.

But so quickly after amazing myself, I instantly wonder WTH I was thinking last week when I went to Costco and purchased this:

The motherload of all cheese bags.

Now, I am thinking to myself, "How many flipping quesadillas do I have to eat before this cheese is gone?" And to make it worse, they stopped putting it in the re-sealable bags! How in the hell do you store that much cheese? I guess with the motherload of all Ziplocs I bought too!

Also, I did pose the cheese with the RR magazine. Not to keep the cheese company. And not really because I think RR is cheesey. Both of those things could be said.

I thought it was funny that as I went to take a picture of a state-sized bag of cheese, I saw her cover with an article titled "Save $500 at the supermarket".

Uh, duh. Don't buy huge-gantic bags of cheese.

Also, to be made with this much cheese...my very famous taco pizza. You know you wanna try it.

Maybe I need to get out more...

2009-03-07T01:00:00.000-08:00

I either need to get out of the house more, or I need to just stay inside. Maybe just confined to my property line. It just never seems to fail, that something weird happens when I leave this house.

But wouldn't it seem that if I left the house more often, it would change the percentage of weirdness that I encounter? I would think so, but at this point I just give up and am waiting for everyone else to decide to stay home before venturing out. (OK, that's not true, I had to go to work yesterday so I managed to make it there and back safely.)

No. For everyone who thinks I maimed or hurt the lady on the adult bicycle. I didn't almost kill Moped Lady. And somehow I need to ~~spin~~ describe this story so that you really see it wasn't my fault. So I am using props to aid me.

This all went down at my son's daycare. The word 'daycare' by itself should be enough to get any normal person of driving age to pay attention one million times more than normal.

Okay, so this is a layout of the daycare and the streets it is located on. Look, the driveways are difficult to get into because these are very busy streets. However, I always find parking because of the time of day I take him there...which means, like 9AM. If it were 7AM, I would be screwed for parking. Hence the next picture.

So I showed you the layout of the land. This parking lot sucks. Like I said before, it usually isn't a problem for me. By the time I get there, everyone has come and gone. I am always guaranteed Parking Spot 2. Actually, I can have just about any spot, but that is the one I like. Now, the important things you should notice are the columns in front of the school. Which lead into the daycare itself. Those are most important.

Wait, are you making fun of my drawing? Well, it only gets better...

Damn Skippy! The best stick figure of a blonde you ever did see!!! Anyway, this is what we call a 'detail' of the original map. I wanted to show you a closer view of my location in relation to the building itself. How flipping hot is my ride...I know, it's awesome. And how sexy am I hanging out of the window of that hot car. Gawd...like almost totally sex-a-licious. And this wasn't even a make-up day. If you look close, it was barely fluorescent Sharpie pink marker and Sharpie gold tan. Oh, BTW, that's the real me, pointing to the real characatuer me. I know, it's so hard to differentiate between the two of us. It's like I'm this blessed artist and yet I'm almost supermodel like in real life.

But if you have clicked on that picture, you will notice that, protruding from the school building itself, is a small "arbor", which is supported by two columns. And yes, screw you, I accidentally spelled columns wrong with a marker. I am very aware of how to spell columNs. Thank you.

All you need to know is that I was pulling out (backwards basically) extremely slow! Now, just so you know...I have 2 huge mirrors on both sides, a large rear-view mirror, a back-up camera AND a distance sensing device (built-in to the car). I am not new at backing up. On top of my car, I am the primary "backer-up'er" of the boat, which is 26 feet long , not including the trailer, which is 28 feet long, plus the 2 feet distance between the trailer and the car, and then add to that the length of my 12 foot car. You do the math. If you can back up 40 feets worth of shit you are the shit. Which I am, because I am. an. Awesome. Driver.

My point is that, I am very aware of how to back up in tight spaces. My Daddy taught me well. Over and over and over again... And this daycare lot is a tight space. Not to mention, I am always immensely afraid that some child will randomly bolt out that front entrance door...and wouldn't it be my luck.

So, here I am, totally looking behind me. I mean, I was strained over my seat looking back. And I had looked at both driveways...no one was around. ALL OF A SUDDEN!!! My rear sensors start going off. That's when I thought to myself, "That's odd, I'm not that close to the columns." But those sensors are sensitive. So I stopped.

Well, apparently, I should be thanking God himself. Why is that? Because even though I was going 0.5 MPH's and checking every angle possible...there was this one person. On a moped. Who thought that I should stop for her. While she was driving behind me. As I was moving. On a moped. Against my 5000 pound vehicle.

Me against her, on a moped, against a concrete wall. And....

She beeped at me. Twice. Because apparently, I did not realize that Mopeds have a greater right of way than I do while moving. Even though I could have made her a permanent imprint in the side of a stucco building.

Of course, you know me, the big shit talker I am... I sat in my car just stewing and flailing my arms everywhere and then drove off. Then, I called the daycare to see if anyone else had seen what happened. They only heard her beep. Figures....

But each day I go there, I just pray to see her. Because I promise, I will let her know that insurance is there for a reason. I mean, I will let her know that if I actually ever hit her. Otherwise, I will just stare like she should know how idiotic she is on a Moped, in 75 degree weather, wearing a snowmobile suit, while putting along behind me...while I'm moving.

The only other thing you need to know, is that YES, in the last pictorial, I was tanning through my sun-roof. I thought you all would appreciate that, given my ability to enjoy this great weather we are having. If for some reason you think that was a factor in my driving skills...you are wrong.

I am still one of the best drivers in this country. If I were a driving instructor of people who drove Mopeds, I would tell them this... You drive too slow and you should never drive behind a gigantic moving vehicle. If you choose to ignore this advice, please know that you will probably almost likely be hit. But don't beep your horn and expect to get my insurance. Because my insurance doesn't cover your stupidity. Thank you.

***P.S. the sad thing is that I have painted a nursery and my niece's room and they both turned out awesome! However, I can't draw a car or a portrait of myself if my life depended on it. Laugh all you want. You are welcome.***

Hello? Is this thing on? Is anyone still here?

2009-03-03T23:27:00.000-08:00

No, I have had no requests to please come back to the Blogland. That's okay. I would have had to turn the requests down.

But I am still here. Here and busier than I want to be. And tired. So, I have slacked on replying to emails, commenting, posting, reading all of my favorite blogs. But what's a girl to do.

Relief is here, but not for long. I'm just hoping that Saturday is the best sleep in day of my life ever. That's all I want. To sleep in on Saturday.

I'd love to sit here and write another post about my neighbors, but they've been pretty good lately. It's possible that the fact that I bound and gagged them to their recliners helped. The bad neighbor this week has been me. Well, it actually was the Dog. He may have 4 legs, but I swear he's on his last one in my book.

He took a jaunt around the area, scaring half of the mid-morning walkers. Nice. Half of me just wanted to call Animal Control on his ass and turn him in. But I didn't. After walking with the Kid half way down the block, in yogurt smeared gauchos and a pop-tart crusted tank top, I gave up and headed back home. Only to wrangle the Kid to get in his car seat and cruise up and down every street around here.

~~Unfortunately~~ Lucky for him, he has figured out to venture back home after he's gone too far. Where is that damn crazy, cat lady...I thought she was going to be my saving grace with this damn dog.

I wish I could have taken a picture. Of me. I was the poster child for what we call East County White Trash out here. And yet, I was not embarrassed in the least bit. Which is just plain, sad. But I didn't have the energy.

So this is me checking in to say hi! And I have been reading my comments, I'm just busy trying to keep jelly of the keyboard, the dog in the yard and the dirty dishes out of the sink. Tomorrow is my reprieve. So then do I tell the story about how I almost ran over a lady on a moped (it was not my fault) or how the rental house was turned into a weed grow house.

P.S. I miss you Aunt Jean! I wish you were here to laugh at all of my life's crazy antics. Only me and you could laugh at half of this crazy shit! I really need someone like you back in my life.

Neighborhood gossip

2009-02-27T21:21:00.000-08:00

I know you find it hard to believe but I have more gossip. I suppose I was a little harsh with the name calling and all in the last few posts. It's just these people are so. Odd. *gasp* FOdd!

I love it!

I was leaving this morning and found out who the cat feeder culprit is and it isn't Old Lady Chimney.

For the past month and a half, I have noticed this lady who drives past my house and she is always staring. Into my garage, at my car, at the house. All of the time. Then right before D.A.L. (Dad-a-licious abbreviated) left, he was sitting at the computer and I was looking out the window next to him and that lady was standing in my driveway.

Of course, I was like "WTH is she doing?! Why is she walking up the driveway? What is she looking at?!" He could have cared less, even though I had told him all the bizarre-o times she had been by.

I wasn't freaked out because she was on my property and I was getting all territorial. I was a little freaked out because it was like she was scoping the joint out! Then I thought, maybe she was peeping out my fire pit, which is currently on the side of the house. I figured, that would be awesome if she took it because then I get one I want!

Fast forward to the other day. I was leaving to take the Kid to daycare. I noticed that about six school-age (about age 11 - 12) girls that were walking to school, were now standing at the corner. They were talking to someone who was sitting on the wall. So then I started wondering if I was going to have to get all 'Hi, I'm Chris Hanson. And this is to Catch a Predator' on some body's ass. Because I totally would. Say that my name was Chris Hanson. I knew the person on the wall was a lady, but that doesn't mean something can't go wrong.

Anyway, they were talking to that lady. Swell. I'm already at the bottom of the driveway and I really don't know what to do or think. I wonder what she is saying that has the girls so entranced. I am thinking about the fact that I left the slider open. And my ferocious attack dog is a ladies man. She sees that I am leaving. Am I going to have to stop and tell the girls to run along to school? Is she going to yank my fire pit and then steal my lady loving dog?

Well, the girls are already walking away, while she is still talking to them. And there she sits. Next to the damn cat food bowls. And I notice under the tree next to her, one of the stray cats. So, is this what she has been obsessed with lately? Is she the Cat Whisperer, trying to befriend the neighborhood cats?

She doesn't live in the house next to me. O.L.C. does. And does this mean that now I have to watch out for O.L.C. too? Because she lives solo and her garage is always open. Man, the neighborhood drama around here, huh?

Of course, when I started to drive by, she (Crazy Cat Lady, aka C.C.L.) smiled and waved. And I smiled and waved and pointed out the kitty to the Kid. I know, I'm so balls-ey, aren't I? Some neighborhood crime fighter I am. Watch out for me and my blog! We're gonna getcha! That was it. That was all I did. I'm such a shit talker sometimes... Does this mean that my follow through sucks?

In case you are wondering, the house and it's contents were in the same disaterous, F.E.M.A. declared state-of-emergency as it had been left in. She could have just been freaked out by the mess and smell of the diaper pail at the back door. (It was empty and airing out on the porch...not white trashy at all)

Oh, the dog? Yes, he was still here...oh. yay.

Oops, No Title

2009-02-22T22:51:00.000-08:00

Blogger is on my last fnerve. Here are my pictures that should have went with the last post. But noooo, I had to create another post just to upload them. And they aren't even really that worth it. It's the principle of it though...

Dog talons. Or are these really bear claws? Yes, the carpet is stained. I have a child who can't seem to get the "don't spill" concept, or the "don't throw that" concept either. Seriously though, what dog has nails like that?

Question asker - "So what do you do for work?"

The "Handy" Man - "I'm a creative landscaper. I think outside the box, but i have no concept of weed allergies or water conservation. Because I'm a fidiot."

This picture has nothing to do with anything. It just happens to be the current, favorite past-time of the Kid. Nothing like kicking back and watching the world go by.

Fluorescent orange, dove shorts are awesome. Random, I know. Just a thought.

A Very, Long Week

2009-02-21T21:34:00.000-08:00

Well, this has been an interesting week for me. With Dad-a-licous (I swear I laugh every time at how ridiculous that sounds, but since trucker handles are hard to come by around here, he chose it and that's what he gets for now) out of town for a couple more weeks, I have had my hands full.

I ~~suck~~ struggle being a "married" mom...well, I'm just as bad flying solo. Single mothers, Mom, Grammie, I don't know how you do/did it. I am so tired that now I have gotten sick. I have to work odd hours because someone (I won't name any names, but he knows who he is) just won't let me work while he is around. So that leaves me with nap time and bedtime. I seem to be averaging 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night. Suck-it-Serta.

And I am sitting here watching my son eat dirt. I'm not yelling at him or making him stop. Frankly, he can eat dirt. If he's that desperate to try, then why not make a meal out of it! Leaves? Sure why not, throw those in as well. Rocks? No, I'm not entirely slacking off.

I have, however, had a handful of things that keep popping in and out of my mind. Just more mumble-jumble. Mumbo-jumbo? It doesn't matter. Call it what you want. Here are some of the things that 85% of my brain cells have been thinking about.

Why did my husband fertilize the lawn right before he left? Did I appear as though I wanted to take care of a gigantic Chia-Pet? Or was he drunk and thought the dog was really a goat?

Speaking of the dog... It's that time of the year, where he begins to lose his winter coat. Joy-ous. And instead of just unzipping it and hanging it at the front door, like a good pooch, he usually makes a couple month process of it. Leaving enough fur balls around to refill my down-feather throw pillows.

Still on the dog here... I really wish there was a mobile dog manicurist for him. He's like part dog and part hawk. His nails are what everyone refers to as "talons". Every time he goes to the groomers, they can only file his nails down. The quick has grown all the way out and I think it's mean to cut them when all they do is shatter and bleed. You know, like if you were to cut you nail below where it attaches. Ouch!

Two of my neighbors are fidiots. What is a fidiot? Well, it's like being fugly. If you don't know what fulgy is, then all I can do is break it down for you like this... Two of my neighbors are fucking idiots. (Oops, *insert truckloads of sarcasm here* did I let that slip?) Fidiot numero uno - aka Old Lady Chimney, Smokey Smokerson - feeds the damn stray neighborhood cats. It drives me fnuts! That's cool though, PETA will send you a pack of return labels with your name on it and they will address you as St. Smokey. I'm irritated because ever since she started feeding them, we have noticed a frat sneaking in between the deck and the garage. Fugh. (the "f" really only works well when used with letters that begin with vowels. Or, the letters "h,l, and r".)

Fidiot number two deserves his own bullet. (Update, i just re-read this and that sounded really bad. I meant 'bullet' as in how I am entering these, NOT a real bullet from a gun or anything. Guess I should have used numbers instead.) The house across the street was remodeled inside and out, probably two years ago. No one has lived in it as of yet. Real estate gone wrong. Anyway, the only thing that was not completed was the front yard. The "handy" man who takes care of the property started by watering the dirt. All of the time. Of course, weeds grew. So he would weed-whack the entire yard. With a hand held weed-whacker. The. whole. yard. He would then water more. Basically the front yard is totally green. With weeds. Now, he fmows the fweeds. And then he weed-whacks the edge of the yard. He thinks it's grass. Believe me when I say, it is not grass. Looks great guy. Blue ribbon weeds you have there. And we are having a drought. But don't let those weeds die!

Lastly, all of us pajama-bottom wearing folks should be soooo proud! I got my issue of Elle the other day. Yes, I read Elle. Yes, I still have a fashion sense even if I don't apply it to my everyday life. Also, Elle always has the latest and greatest in cosmetic talk. So while I was wearing my jammie bottoms and reading this fancy, couture magazine, I came across the Elle Shops Spring Survival Guide. And listed at the top of page 238, strutting themselves on a stick model...Pajama Pants! See, we have just been one step ahead of the fashion curve! WE set that trend. It was as though Dolce and Gabbana themselves, showed up at my door and feel in love with my "home" style as we could call it. Now I feel like there is hope for me yet when I walk out of house!

I would have posted pictures of the dogs talons and the neighbor mowing his weeds, but Blogger sucks. And I'm really sick of not being able to upload pictures and videos. So, I hope they read this and realize if I were to ever go mainstream in the blogosphere, that they will definitely not be hosting my site.

Hopefully, it won't be another five days before I post, but if it is, that just means I'm doing something other than blogging! Is that even possible?

For the Love of Money...or anything Free.

2009-02-15T14:17:00.000-08:00

I have a feeling this is going to take off! Our girl Auds at Barking Mad is hosting a linky love post that could get you a $250 gift card to Target. This couldn't get any better. All you have to do is create a post on your blog (hence, the one I am writing at this very moment) and in it link 5 to 10 of your favorite posts from your own blog! So you get to pimp yourself out and get the chance to win a huge gift card!

Now, I have a few dozen posts, but finding anything good has proven to be a challenge. But what the heck do I have to lose. Maybe you'll like, or maybe not so much.

Mama's Own Blog My very first post...awww.

One of Those Days Just another crappy day in the life of Me.

The Answer is Because The best answer to any of your parenting questions.

Man vs. Wild Who has it tougher? Bear or Me.

Victoria is letting the Secret Out! I never really got into a good workout regimen, or maybe I'm still just lazy.

Fuzzy Mummy Someday, we will have a family portrait taken. Someday.

A Letter to the Family Dog We still love you Frank!
7 Random Things Some things you may not have known about me.

So there you have it. Some random posts. Feel free to snoop around anywhere else you see fit if these aren't to your liking. And join up with the rest of us and try for a chance to win some loot! You know you wanna do it!

Oops, I almost forgot to add this

The Internet took the preverts out of my life

2009-02-12T23:01:00.000-08:00

I was sitting here, and I honestly can not remember what I was thinking about that led me to this thought....

Oh, I was thinking about putting my cell number on Twitter because I wanted to help someone with something but it was just becoming increasingly difficult to explain it in 140 words or less. Then I thought, just how many people would call me and act like they were the person I was trying to talk to.

In reality, probably none. But in my head, I was secretly hoping everyone sure it would be at least...well still no one. This in turn led me to thinking about a nasty phone call I received one time when I was younger (about 18) and we were moving and trying to sell stuff in the newspaper. You know, the old school way things were done. It was known as the "Pre-Internet Era".

When I say nasty, I am referring to those phone calls where you make the mistake of staying on the line just long enough to realize that what is happening on the other end sounds just plain wrong. Get my drift? Let me put it this way - if your phone number could spell out words like H.O.T.T. or S.3.X.x. (yes, the 3 is a letter substitution), you could probably get their credit card info and get paid!

Now that I cleared that up. Back to the point. I haven't had a p0rn prank phone call in years! I mean years!

Anyway, I remember getting prank phone calls all of the time. Nasty ones, hang ups, even the "is your refrigerator running?" kind. Of course, I did my fair share of making them as well. It's just funny how the Internet has helped eliminate all of that. Well, except for those damn telemarketers.

It made me realize that my phone lines are so lonely. 15 years ago, I never knew how to handle those nasty calls. They always scared me and I hung up. For obvious reasons. (Like the fact that I wasn't getting paid!) But now that I am older, wiser and about 99% not easily offended, I wish I could just get one. I'm so better equipped for handling a conversation (or lack of) like that.

Oh the witty things that I could say!

Screaming into the phone things like - "I said not until you take the trash out! Why don't you listen?! You never do anything around here! Did you pick up the dog crap from the yard yet? Is that a No? And yet I have to make time for this?!"

Maybe something a little more subtle like - "Are you done yet?! How much longer? Are you getting close? Can you hurry up please?! I have to get on Facebook and see if my farm is ready to harvest. Have you started a farm yet? Oh, remind me to get the romaine lettuce from Costco next time. Not the whole bag of iceberg. It spoiled to fast. Speaking of fast, are we there yet?"

How about something a little more neurotic such as - "Gawd you never take care of my needs. It's always about you. You never ask what I want, or how I feel, or if I'm satisfied. Are you even hearing what I am saying right now? Or is it still all about you? "

I seriously think that I could drive even a stranger completely nutty. And I could probably do it in under a minute. And I would end up being disappointed in the whole conversation because they would probably hang up on me. Or even worse...they wouldn't call me back. Then I would feel used and neglected.

Damn Internet...takes the fun out of everything.

I Heart Faces

2009-02-09T21:19:00.000-08:00

A few people I follow have been entering this new blog contest in the great blogosphere. And since I have to be a part of everything, I thought I would see if I had any fun with it. Plus, Kid Chaos (yes? no? we'll try it for now.) has been being so cute lately that I felt like honoring his cuteness.

The website is i Heart Faces. There is a new theme each week. You create a post and link back to them (as I just did) and they pick a winner in their two catagories - kids and adults.

This week's theme is Silly Faces. I keep coming across this one I took a little before Christmas. At one point, I was contemplating using it on our Christmas cards, and in the end I didn't. So I will showcase it again for any of you who missed it the first time around.

I sit here and look at this picture, which was only taken about 2 1/2 months ago. And I am so amazed at how much he has developed in that time. His talking, his actions, his physical abilities. He's 20 months today. In four more short months, my "Baby" will be a 2 year old. Pure toddler. No going back.

I actually embrace it. But that doesn't mean that for the next four months, I'm not going to try and enjoy every last minute I can of the baby he has left in him.

Be expecting something...

2009-02-05T19:29:00.001-08:00

I thought that I would give you fair warning. April Fool's Day is approaching. And I may, or may not, have something up my sleeve. So if you read this, when April 1st comes, you may, or may not, be prepared. That's all I'm saying.

On another note, I tweeted about this the other night, but it was late so who knows if more than 2 people saw it. I was putting the Kid to bed. We were exchanging kisses and "Na-Nights" as always. I walked to the door and began to slowly close it and, as I do every night, I said "I love you."

And then, as I was pulling the door closed that last little inch, the Kid popped his head up and said "I ove ew."

The husband was standing within ear shot, so he was able to hear it as well. I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to run back in and hug him and try to get him to say it again. But come on, it was bedtime. And no one wants to mess with that routine. So I just replayed it in my mind over and over,shed a few tears and thought about when he would say it again.

Okay, so I didn't Tweet that entire story. That would have been a ton of tweets!

On another, another note, I think I have decided on a trucker handle for the Kid. I am probably going to start calling him Mr. Chaos from here on out. It's fitting. It's probably fitting for just about any 20 month old. It was the first thing I thought when I walked into his room the other day. Pure chaos. Every drawer had been rummaged threw, clothes pulled out of a box I have been trying to pack up for two weeks and blankets hanging from everywhere except the ceiling fan. I suppose I could call him Kid Destructo. So many blog decisions. Maybe I'll do a poll on the sidebar and everyone can vote on it. Ugh, now even more blog decisions to make!

Have a great weekend!

My Tax Return

2009-02-03T11:30:00.000-08:00

Dear State of California-

I would like to take this opportunity to tell you what I will be doing with my state tax refund. Oh, my bad, you're right... I mean what I will be doing with my state tax I.O.U. refund.

Well, hopefully it's big enough to use as kindling so that my family and I can enjoy a nice evening around the fire pit. No, it's not? Okay, then how about...

I'm hoping that when I go to my bank and deposit said I.O.U. that the bank can transfer half of that into savings that I can put towards paying off the new windows. No on that too? What do you mean there's no routing number on it?

Okay, then let's hope that with this I.O.U. I can hit up the local casino's paycheck window and maybe get a video poker voucher. The casino won't cash it either? And you owe them more than you owe me? Ouch.

Well, I suppose I can just use the I.O.U. to pay my bills, get groceries, pay for daycare, pay off the Macy's bill, get gas and a car wash, and maybe a pedicure? No? Did I push it too far with the pedicure? How about I don't get the "spa" pedicure? Still no? I mean I'll do them myself...again. For like the 400th time if that's the problem.

"Blah, blah, blah,blahblahblah bleh blah...wawawawa..." (that was official government talk by the way)

I'm not quite getting what it is you are saying to me. I realize I went and had my hair done. But this time, I asked her to add a low light. You know, so I'm less blonde. I thought that was the trick.

I feel like I hear you saying something about running out of money. Which all I can do is shake my head at. You are the great State of California and all. I know there have been occasions where I have run out of money, but that usually happens when I'm drunk and in Vegas. Did you go to Vegas again and not tell me? No?

Okay, so let me try and break this down then.

You have no money.

You have managed to spend over your limit.

No one will bail you out.

You're cutting back where you see fit.

Even you vendors have to wait to get paid.

And you're going to give me MY money back in the amount of $I.O.U.

AND you don't have to pay late charges, overdraft fees, insufficient fund fees, interest, interest on top interest, or 'We Suck' Fees?

What? You have another request? You want me to be understanding and patient. I see.

Well my dear State of California, welcome to the world of every other average American. Where no one gives us a break and hardly a helping hand. Where some people wait all year to get their money back so they can pay property taxes (due by April 10th), car registration and pay off the god damn windows.

You can suck it and I am pissed because you are doing a shitty job managing my money. And I do a great job of that on my own. So give me my money or give me your job!

Some Honest Scrap about Me

2009-02-02T06:19:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh, don't we just love these posts. The ones where we get down and dirty and tell it like it is. Actually, you don't have to, but for some reason, whenever people want to know random/honest things about me, I seem to just go there.

I received this from Leann at Surviving Parenthood . She was gracious enough to give me the Honest Scrap Award, which requires me to tell all of you some honest things about myself.

Here's what I gotta do...

List 10 honest things about yourself (totally not hard for me, because I love me and gossiping about me!)

Pass this on to 7 bloggers whom you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap. (I'm assuming that means I think you don't lie on your blog, right?)

Let the fun begin!

I am a product whore. Period. If I see my hair stylist use a new product, I have to buy it. When the updated Sidekick came out, I had to have it. Beauty products, hair products, electronics and accessory products, laundry products (like Shouts Color Catchers - OMG they are awesome), lip products, car products. Name it, or tell me I should have it, and I will probably buy it. Except for that beach front property in Arizona...that didn't pan out so well for me.

I have finger-toes. This has two meanings. The first is that I have toes that could probably replace one of my fingers if I lost it. The second is that, my feet seem to be able to act as a second pair of hands. If my hands are full and I need to pick up something off of the floor...I use my feet. My son has also started to display this trait. Hey, it's helpful if you have a baby in one arm, a drink in the other and you happen to drop your wallet.

Even though my husband wants to have another child, I would totally be okay with only having one. I know I said I wanted to have 2, because it seems like that's what you are supposed to do. But, I'm really not the "mommy" type. I never pictured myself having or wanting kids. And while I would throw myself in front of a starving pack of wolves for the Kid, I really am quite content with just him, and him only. However, if/when we have another one, I don't want to stop at 2 and feel like I might as well have 3. I like 3's.

I am one of those "she has a great personality" kind of people. And in the past year, I have finally come to terms with just being me. I am not cute, not skinny, not little, not quite, not quaint, not pretty...I am So Not Hot! But to be honest, I don't care because I am happy. And I have been all of those things and they didn't make me any happier than I am today. That silly little, beer swindling, toothy grinned Kid makes me happy. And he loves me no matter what I look like...or smell like...or haven't brushed my teeth. That is true love and true happiness.

I will say this again...I could be one of the world's best driver's...ever. And boat trailer backer downer. And parallel parker. Lane changer. Signaler. Back seat, middle seat, front seat driver. I. am. an awesome driver.

I am also great at critiquing others while they drive. And sometimes even when they aren't driving. And I will always tell you if you deserve to have a license. I will also ask you at what age and in what state you think you were licensed and proceed to let you know that you must have been had by a false motor vehicle agency. I should probably just work as the State Traffic Controller while I'm at it. I am so good that even if we are not in the same car...I will still have something to say about your driving. Wait, was that you who gave the One Finger wave...ha, suck it.

When the Kid was born (via emerg C-sec), things didn't feel like I thought they would. Dad-a-licious cried how cute he was. The doctor gave me a whole 3 seconds to look at him and all I could think was "that's not my baby. he's not cute." And for the next couple of months, I really felt a disconnect to him. Not sure why. Was it because I really wanted to experience the natural birthing process? Was it because I was suffering from post partum? Was it because I was a first time Mommy? Who knows. I struggled but didn't give up trying to bond. And I must say, he's grown on me.

I tend to speak my mind with complete strangers, but I can't ever seem to tell my family how it really is. So then all the things that irritate me fester and boil inside and I end up carrying resentment and anger with me for way too long. But piss me off in the grocery store and I will let you know. Not in a Bad Girls Club way, but maybe in a Graham Cracker Maffia way.

I love children's, animated movies. The Bee Movie, Finding Nemo, Madagascar. I watched them even before I had a kid. I like listening for the hidden adult humor that they all seem to have. I've tried to convince my husband that they really are entertaining to watch, but he is just not having anything to do with it.

I really think that one day, I will really find the easiest way to style my hair. And no, that doesn't mean it will be short. I've got the flat iron and curling iron down. But maybe I need to invest in a nice, new set of hot rollers. Also, my hair is naturally curly. Vito asks me all of the time why I never do it like that anymore. And I really don't have an answer for that. I guess maybe it's because my bangs work better with straight hair then with curly. Oh and a little side note, I had very blonde hair for all of my childhood into my adult hood until about age 25ish. And I would like to clarify that the carpet never matched the drapes. Therefore, I still consider Ash Blonde...blonde.

There you have it y'all! Feel free to hit me up with any other topics that you may want to know about me. For the most part, I am an open book. For the most part... I mean some things I would like to keep personal. Maybe my bra size. My Kid's social security number. Those kinds of things.

I'm going a little out of the box with this, but I am going to pass this on to 7 of my followers. I want to know a little bit of honest stuff from those faces I see everyday on my sidebar! Hopefully, they would like to play along and let me know!

Ramblings of a Drama Mama

Lucky Begonia

The Hernandez Family